Breathe

Today at about 12pm, my Aunt Val picked me up from the hospital after my long 12 night stay. My brain was going too fast and I was trying to process so much trauma. My brain was on overload. I had got home from AA Saturday 3/29 and finally realized I needed more help. I still did not want to go to the hospital, but deep down, I knew I needed help. I called 911 and after the woman 911 operator hung up on me, I was so pissed! I was in pajama shorts, a tank top, and no bra or underwear and grabbed my cell phone, my purple comforter and jumped in the car (no purse or wallet) and called 911 back. I told the man whom answered that a woman just hung up on me and that is unacceptable!! I told him I am on my way to Fire Station #9 and hung up the phone. I drove like the bad ass “ambulance driver” I am. I was so safe and had God and my angels with me the whole way. As I pulled into the front parking lot, I saw engine 9 returning to the station. They have at least about 14 crew members working there on various trucks and ambulances. I rang the bell and when nobody answered after a few seconds, I picked up the emergency phone that connected me to 911. I told them I am at the front door of station #9 and to please tell them to let me in. I think they opened up the door anyway before it was an official call. But it did end up being an official call for them. One of the units was out of service for me. The second guy I saw was a childhood friend, Matt. I gave him a big hug and started to cry. I was confiding in them that my big brother raped me as a child. After a bit, a good friend of my brothers’ .. also Jason came out to sit and talk with me. He told me that his father who was TFD.. and an awesome dude told him how cool my Gramps was and that he was a Fireman’s Fireman! He really was! He is a legend with the Tucson Fire Department.. He also told me that when he was a boot (or maybe right before he reported to duty as a boot), he was instructed by his captain to call Station #9. He was so nervous and he said it rang and rang. My Dad.. Captain Mike picked up and said, “What the Fuck do you want?!” My Dad said, if the phone rings twice and nobody picks up, they are busy and hang up and try again later! Ha ha!! He was just messing with him, but what a valuable lesson. I used that lesson sometimes when I called family from the hospital..

So after a little while …The cops showed up and then the guy with the crisis team. I am going to take a break from writing now, and will finish this later.

Ps. It’s later and the moral of the story is THC is bad! It is now 12:25am and I am high as Fuck!! Took some CBD/THC equals CBN. In all honesty I thought these were the ones that had no THC and more CBD…before I took 3 because right now I am 300 pounds. Yes, my pictures are all recent. The one on the beach was my birthday last year right before starting this foundation in September. Anyways. I will post more pics later.. I don’t think I need to prove to anyone I am REAL! So anyway, I was cleaning my bedroom like a crazy person aka …a person on drugs! I don’t need drugs in my life. My drug of choice was alcohol, but now I understand for sure why I was smart enough to never try cocaine, shrooms, or Extacy “E” “Mollie” even though all my friends were doing them. I would have died 100%. So cleaned and then took a hot shower with music cause I am an adult and can do whatever the Fuck I want whenever and thank goodness by dumb roommate is at her toxic “boyfriends” house. I already gave her formal notice to get out by 5/1/25 and then messaged her to confirm tonight which is the end of her lease. I still have so much to write about just my day today and hospital stay. But I will continue tomorrow. For right now, I just need to breathe. I was in the hot shower telling myself and also hearing it from God and my angels, Just Breathe!! I got down on my hands and knees and prayed as this old fat ass bent down to shave my legs on my tile shower floor. I could have used my tub since my roommate is gone, but that is just another reason to have her out soon, so I can get my whole second bathroom back to myself!! Okay I am going to try to unwind my brain now. Good Night to all those who are up late reading, and have a great day if you end up reading this tomorrow or 2 weeks from now or one year from now… Have a great FUCKING DAY!!