I haven’t typed a blog in awhile. I am obsessed with doing Tik. Tok videos now. Check it out. I am @stefaniessafespace. The last blog I said I was going to take the mood stabilizer Lamictal just for my sister so I can see her and my niece and nephews. I was excited and confident about my decision. I had been texting my sister long texts saying I was going to take Lamictal and that her and the kids mean so much to me. My texts said delivered so figured she was seeing them. I a

I had a really good day today. It’s always good to wake up sober and not have to worry about a hangover or drinking hair of the dog. I had my 2 cups of coffee and I think I talked with my Aunt Val on the phone. I had an NP psych appt at 9:30am on Teams so I got to do the appt from the comfort of my home. I really like my NP. He is cool. NP’s listen and care more than doctors. I told him I am feeling great and was able to start the new anti psychotic 2 days before I was due fo

The last few days I have been super sad that my sister doesn’t want me in her or her kids lives. I am trying not to get too depressed about and pray that she will realize I am doing so good without taking a mood stabilizer. I have to do what is best for my mental health and she has to do what is best for her mental health. It breaks my heart that part of her being mentally healthy means not having a relationship with me. I miss her so much and my niece and nephews. I am sure

I already wrote about the situation about my sister and I miss my sister, but I really was hoping she would talk to me soon. My birthday is next April 23rd and was hoping she would talk to me by then. She had said we could talk. When I found out she didn’t want to see me on Easter, I lost faith that she would have a relationship with me again. I text her a screen shot of her Facebook post she posted last September 2025 telling everyone that was my Facebook friend and not real

It has been about 12 years since I have been divorced. It was a really really hard time in my life. I went manic (had flashbacks) twice when I lived on the east coast with my husband. He was so supportive and amazing until he wasn’t. The second time I was hospitalized, he came and had lunch with me every day. I think I was there for about 2 weeks. He just had to pay $5.00 to have a really good lunch with me. I was still manic when I got out of the hospital. They gave me tons

I met my ex husband on match.com . I remember the outfit he was wearing when he picked me up for our first date. He looked like he worked at Target with kachi pants and a red polo shirt. Ha ha! I don’t even remember was I was wearing. He was such a nice guy and I thought he was attractive. He was a little on the dorky side and didn’t really work out much so didn’t have muscular arms like I usually like but that’s okay. He moved to Tucson from Michigan to get his PhD in materi

My sister and I got in a fight Saturday March 7th. It has been almost 2 weeks already. About a week or week and a half ago she said we will definitely get together and talk soon but she was busy with work and sleeping. The fight was about my medications. She thinks I need to be on a mood stabilizer and an antipsychotic. She thinks she completely understands my mental illness, because she has been with me since I was 19 months old. There is just so much more to my mental illne

My next blog was going to be about my marriage and divorce, but I am going to instead write about my day today and yesterday. The first thing that comes to mind as I just took a shower is that my hair is still significantly falling out. I hate to compare it to chemo, but in my opinion Depakote is just as toxic as chemo. I stopped taking Depakote about 2 weeks ago or so and it is still in my system. I have been taking collagen every day double the dose that was suggested. Than

I mentioned about my EMT partner who was my best friend in the blog called Jerry Bob’s. She stopped being my friend because of my PTSD and mental illness. I also had a best friend who I loved very much in my 20’s. I think I was about 26 when we started hanging out and going out a lot. She was in my wedding when I was 29, the day before my 30th birthday. She came to visit my husband and I in Connecticut which was a blast. After I had my plastic surgery after losing a lot of we

This morning I woke up at about 6am. I should have gotten ready quick and went to the 6:30am AA meeting. I hesitated and then it was too late to get ready and go. I wanted to celebrate my 3 years sobriety with some amazing people at that meeting. I may go tomorrow, but I am also going to pick up a friend and go to the 8:30am meeting that I love. This will be my third time going. And then we are going to church after at 10:30am to Pantano Christian. Then we are going to our go

Good Morning! I got my 3 year sobriety chip at the 5:30pm meeting last night! I’m so excited and proud of myself. There were points in my life where I thought I would never get a year sobriety and especially not 3 years. My BFF Julie came to the meeting with me to support me and celebrate me. She is so amazing! I love my AA meetings. In the past I had stopped going for months at a time, and I definitely feel so much better when I am going to meetings. The daily reflection

I am going to take a break from writing about my Mom. I think I will add to Part 2 eventually or just do one more blog. I am doing really well though considering. I feel free from my Mom and her negativity and anger issues. The other day she was so negative about my foundation. She supported my foundation for like an hour in September or October 2024, and then she told the judge that I said I was going to get a million dollars and helped get me court ordered to take Lithium.

I told you guys it would be a lot and there is still a lot. I may forget things but I will go back and edit. In all fairness to my Mom, I did talk about my brother in the last blog so it’s not exactly 2 full blogs about her but who knows this blog could end up 10 minutes. Okay so anyway, let me tell you a little bit of the phone call with my Mom last night. She said she would bet me One million dollars that I go manic and end up back in the hospital at some point! The very en

This blog is going to be a lot. I will just warn you it is a lot. It’s 2:45am right now. I slept good until now. I had a couple good dreams. One of them was about my Mom and that I am making the right decision to cut her from my life. I had another bad fight with my Mom last night at about 8pm. I can’t decide if I should write about the phone call first or just start from the beginning. I think I will start from the beginning and say for the most part, I had a great childhood

Today was a pretty good day. I took a friend to DES at 8am and figured while I was down there I would reapply for nutrition assistance. I only got $27 bucks before, but guess anything is better than nothing. Luckily we were in and out of there in about 45 minutes. I did my application while standing in line and she had already done her application. We went to Ross after to go clothes shopping. She found a couple cute shirts. I tried on pants, dresses, and shirts and did not l

Good Afternoon everyone! It is 4:17pm as I write this on a Sunday. I slept really well last night and woke up at 5:48am. I text my Aunt to see if she was awake and she was so we texted a bit. I got in a fight with my sister last night about my medications. I understand where she is coming from, because it has been so hard for her and my family to see my go through all my mental illness challenges. We were at my cousin’s house for her birthday party. Luckily this was at the en

I just got done swimming laps at the gym for an hour followed by some relaxation time in the jacuzzi. I swam laps yesterday too at 6am for 45 minutes. I cancelled my follow up with the Diet program I was doing this morning, because after the writing I did yesterday I felt like I needed to treat myself to Mod Pizza after church last night. And with that cheat meal, I still lost 4.2 pounds in a week. I can do this eating healthy and exercising thing on my own. The program I was

Here is another story from when I was in crisis. I was either 22 or 23 and was working as an EMT for Southwest Ambulance. I loved my partner. We were best friends. We hung out outside of work a lot. When we worked together we would go to Target on duty and stuff like that. We would just cruise the town sometimes in our area and listen to music and chat. I wish I could remember if this was before my trauma at the hospital when I was 22 or after when I was 23. I was hospitalize

I am so relieved that the appt with my NP psyicatruist went well. My GYN yesterday told me that all my psych medications I am taking increased my Prolactin which stopped my period for 9 months and also causes weight gain and can decrease sex drive. I am okay without a period but it is not healthy to be on all these meds. Luckily he agreed to get me off the Depakote. He just said I need to take 500mg instead of 1250mg for 2 weeks. I really don’t even want to do that, because

Like I said previously, I still have a lot of stories when I was in crisis. This was when I was 20 years old I believe. I was working at Little Caesars as a delivery driver. Also had to do dishes sometimes and make sauce in big buckets so I count this as my worst job ever. I think I already shared the story of when I was having a conversation about religion with a co worker. She was Catholic and I was Atheist. We weren’t mad at each other or anything. Just were discussing our