I don’t think I have written about this yet. I was 26 years old. My Aunt Kiki had just died and I had just gotten plastic surgery after losing 119 pounds in a year after having gastric bypass surgery. I loved my Aunt Kiki so much. I did not see hew much since she was living in Colorado (not sure how long before she died). It was very unexpectedly. She was clean and sober. I probably should not go into the details of what happened. But I was so so sad to lose her. And it was s

Today is Sunday and I started my day with church at 10am. I decided to go back to Calvery. I’ve been going to Pantano Christian and have liked the pastor, but I think he is in a way too laid back if that makes sense. I used to really like Robert at Calvery and decided to go back today and I am glad I did. It was a really good service named What it really means to walk with Jesus or something like that. Two nice ladies sat next to me and introduced themselves to me. I saw anot

I have been feeling very self conscious lately about my looks. I feel like I am ugly when I look in the mirror or take selfies. I used to think I was beautiful when I was thinner and had longer hair. I recently cut my hair to my shoulders and it was a fun change, but I miss my long hair. Lately my hair has been falling out and I am freaking out. I figured it was just stress, but one of the doctors at the hospital told me that my mood stabilizer can cause hair loss! Great! Tha

Now that I have had my meds adjusted in the hospital, I am just a little bit nervous about being on a higher dose of my mood stabilizer. It needs to be at a therapeutic level though, but last October when I tried to take my own life I was on the higher dose of mood stabilizer. I was just out of the hospital for being severely manic. I was not on an anti depressant too though, so I am hoping this time is different because I am also taking an anti depressant. I am just feeling

I have been divorced now for about 12 years and have dated some, but still have not been in a serious relationship. I was in a couple short term relationships, but never got to the point where I was in love with someone or ready to move in together or anything. Right after my divorce when I was still in crisis (mania), I was staying at my Grandma’s house because my house was still being rented out for a couple more months when I moved back from New York. I had a vision that m

I was supposed to go on an amazing Disneyland trip with my sister last Tuesday but ended up going into hypo mania. I had been crying a lot remembering that I tried to take my own life and being blessed to feel my angels and having purpose. I am getting back into writing, because I really do want to start my own foundation one day. I was really stressed out about job hunting and job interviewing. I had 5 interviews one week. I was studying interview questions like crazy especi

I read some of my most recent blogs last night and realized how crazy it was that I went from being severely manic and feeling amazing September 15th to being so depressed October 28th that I only saw one way out and that was suicide. So much has happened just between those 2 dates. I impulsively quit my job and bought a $50,000 super nice SUV with a $990 car payment I could not afford. I traded in my 2019 Jeep Cherokee to the shitty dealership who sold me a car when I was cl

I am really excited to finally get back to writing! It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I can be successful without having my own foundation. I always come out of mania and get completely discouraged with my dream. I have not written since September 2025. It is now February 1, 2026! This is going to be a great year! I feel like I was kind of off to a rocky start, but I am feeling really good right now! I have an upcoming trip with my sister to Disneyland that is going to be

I am going to have fun writing this blog. After an AA meeting last night, my friend Jake and I went to Zinburger for a really nice dinner. I had zucchini fries, a hamburger with carmelized onions, tomato, bacon, avocado, and manchego cheese. It was so yum! I also got a soda water with a splash of cranberry and lemon. I wasn’t going to get a milkshake but the milkshake of the month was butterfinger! I have been through so much the last few days and definitely deserved to treat

I just got off the phone with 988. I spoke to Ariel and she was amazing!! I am having flashbacks of being raped as a child and an adult and am doing everything I can to stay out of the hospital. Last night I went driving at 1:30am. I knew my angels and God were with me but still get a little scared walking to my car in the middle of the night as I live on a main street and random people walk by all the time. I had a really great day yesterday. It was the best day! I started t

I was really in the mood to write and now I am feeling so tired. As I start to write though I am getting in the mood! Lol.. I just got...

Ugh!! I woke up and saw a text from my Dad. He is concerned about me, because I am having signs of going into crisis. I did tell my Aunt...

Omg my angels are with me so strong! Damn, I got teary eyed writing that. I was talking to my Aunt Val on my way to work this morning on...

It is Saturday night and I am bored. I was doing my diamond art…an amazing owl, but figured I would write. Not sure exactly what to...

I haven’t written in a while, and was really depressed and discouraged off and on for a few months. I had a psychiatrist who was awful....

I am going to call the local news until they hear my stories about how bad the mental health system is and force them to share my non...

The 530pm AA meeting I go to is so good! Started my day off this morning with my other favorite 630am meeting. It’s been so good to see...

Good morning! I am back! I thought I was protecting my neice when I went to my ex bro in law’s house at about 2am the morning after my...

My mind is going 100 MPH so I need to slow down and type it all out..but also fast! My Dad took me out to a fancy dinner at a local...

This is the best birthday ever! My furniture is being delivered as I type! Yay! I am going to sleep so well tonight! I have not had a bed...