Losing Best Friends

I mentioned about my EMT partner who was my best friend in the blog called Jerry Bob’s. She stopped being my friend because of my PTSD and mental illness. I also had a best friend who I loved very much in my 20’s. I think I was about 26 when we started hanging out and going out a lot. She was in my wedding with I was 29, the day before my 30th birthday. She came to visit my husband and I in Connecticut which was a blast. After I had my plastic surgery after losing a lot of weight, she came over to my Mom’s house where I was staying for a few days and laid in bed with me. I met her when she was a fire fighter and I was an EMT. I am not saying her name, but I know a lot of people will be able to figure it out. But we are not friends at all anymore and she doesn’t support me in any way so who knows if she will ever read this or hear about it from someone else.I doubt she would sue me for slander. It would be shitty if anyone try’s to sue a non profit foundation. But anyway, we had a blast together. She had a nice swimming pool at her condo complex and we did pool days with alcohol. There is a cute picture of us both wearing floaties on our arms that we found at the pool. She lived really close to the bar Ricky Business on Craycroft which was also close to a nightclub called Cactus Moon. We would get ready at her condo, sometimes with aniother woman fire fighter friend. We would drink while we got ready. We would walk to Risky Business where everyone knew us by name. We would drink dirty martinis and sometimes shots. We drank other stuff too. I think I drank beer at times back then cause I remember getting $1 bottled beers at Cactus Moon. At Risky Business when guys tried to buy us shots and we didn’t want anymore shots, we told the bartenders our code which was…make it an Eastsider. They knew just to give us the juice and not the alcohol, but then they I am sure still charged the guys for the alcohol. Then we would walk over to Cactus Moon and get our dance on. It was so much fun! Then sometimes we would walk back to Risky Business on our way home or depending on how late we were at Cactus Moon, we’d just walk straight home. I slept on the couch cause she just had a one bedroom condo. We were such best friends that I could pee in the bathroom while she was getting ready. We had a lot of fun together. She gave me a really cute scrapbook for my birthday one year. I may come back and write more about the good, but for now I am skipping to the end because I have a therapy appointment today at 12pm and need to leave soon. After my divorce when I moved back to Tucson and was in crisis, she did not understand. She kept saying just get back together with him. When I was staying at my Gram’s house while my house was still being rented out for a couple months, she asked me if I will always need 24 hour care. I told her about my childhood trauma when we were walking Reid Park once and I just don’t think she understood or believed me. She eventually just stopped talking to me. It was heartbreaking. She met someone and ended up moving eventually to Virginia or Washington DC and became a nurse. She was a flight medic before that. She did not invite me to her wedding and unfriended me on Facebook. It was so so hard to lose her as a best friend. But that is part of the reason I am blogging and creating my own foiundation. To help people understand mental illness better and what friends and family need in times of crisis or just day to day. Being Bi-polar or having PTSD does not define who I am. I have been very successful in my life despite my mental illness. I am just so blessed to not have a job right now. I am working on something though, but can’t share on my blog because they don’t want to be associated with my blog since I say the F word and stuff which is totally understandable. But since I got out of the hospital last November, I have been able to just focus on what I need for my mental health. I haven’t had a job since I impulsively quit my job in mania last September. I have been able to go to AA more, swim laps, listen to music, clean and organize my house, do diamond art, hangout with friends and family. I thought about getting a roommate for a little more income, but I think I will be okay without a roommate. Maybe later on I will consider it again. I am very very blessed with a house I love, friends and family who support me, a car, and my health! I do still hope I can see my sister soon so we can talk about our fight and we can talk about my medications and how well I am doing. I really want to see her and my nieces and nephews soon. It has been since the last Saturday so only a little over a week. It feels longer to me though. I am sure it will be good soon! She may be mad at me for blogging about my Mom. I don’t want to delete or take anything back about my Mom. The only thing I would maybe delete is when she sent me into a house with a burglar in it, but that really is part of my story. I don’t think she wanted me dead, but I have thought she was so evil and the devil at times when I was in crisis. She is a very greedy, hateful woman. And I just don’t need her in my life anymore. I am looking forward to talking with my therapist today. Gotta go! Have a great day everyone and thank you for your continued support!! Peace and Love my friends and family!!