Saturday!

Hey friends! It is Saturday and I am looking forward to my women’s AA meeting at 11am. There are lots of very sweet ladies at that meeting. That is where I met my sponsor. She text me this morning and said she will be at the meeting but is unable to meet after. We usually meet after the meeting at Starbucks for an hour. Last week was kind of a bust, because I was having a hard time with some family stuff and just ended up crying. I was having a hard time letting Go and letting God and that is pretty much the 6th and 7th step. She said I was not ready to move on yet. She said we can go backwards and do the other steps again, but I did not feel like doing anything that day. I said let’s decide what to do next time. I just needed to cry and go home. I am feeling ready to move on to step 8. I feel like I am letting Go and letting God. I don’t really have any amends to make from my drinking days though. I never stole from anyone or lied to anyone or hurt anyone because of my drinking. I did hurt a lot of my family when I was going through my mental, health crisis but not on purpose. My trauma brain can’t control sometimes what I think and what I say. I already did sorry to my whole family for trying to take my own life last October. I am not sure what I will do on the 8th step, but I am hoping my sponsor can meet sometime next week, because I have plans next Saturday. I have been contemplating getting a new sponsor who maybe has more time, but then I will have to star all over on the steps. My sponsor did things a little different with me and we worked out of the back to the basics book. It still references the Big Book. I just want to be done with the 12 steps so I can say I did them. I know a friend of mine recommends you start with step 11 and work on that every day. Write down what you need to do each day in the morning and write at night what you are thankful for or what you did wrong. I haven’t been much into writing lately. I usually like to make lists and write my budget almost every day, but lately not so much. I also have not been doing the readings out of the Big Book that my sponsor suggested I do. Maybe I will start doing that again. I do feel like the promises are already coming true for me without doing all the steps. I for the most part do not have a fear of economic insecurity. I really want to start doing some presentations with NAMI soon, because I think it will be great to help people but also I will get paid. I need to check my mailbox for my check from the 3 presentations that were cancelled. Since I drove all the way to Mariana HS, they are still paying me which is nice. I am blessed to have mental disability which has been amazing. I had a part time job at a law firm for 3 and a half years while on mental disability and then had a job as a receptionist at a massage therapy office for 10 months. But since I impulsively quit that job because I thought I was going to foster my nieces and nephews, it has been really nice not having a job. I have not had a job since last September. I tried to get a job in February but I ended up so stressed about interviewing for several jobs and got anxiety and could not sleep so I went into the behavioral health hospital for a week which sucked. He increased my mood stabilizer which was horrible. But anyway, I am so so glad to be off that medication now. I still have something good to sleep too. It takes me sometimes hours to fall asleep though so I am wondering if that medication is even working. I end up sleeping well and am able to sleep in a bit, but I feel like the medication wears off before I fall asleep. I am going to start trying to sleep without it. I picked my outfit today to match my new earrings and necklace tat are so cute. They are a pretty light blue. I am wearing my long grey and black striped skirt and a black shirt. I swam laps yesterday for an hour and it felt so amazing. I really need to get in the routine of doing that at least 4-5times a week. I have no excuse not to do it today since I am not meeting with my sponsor. I want to lose weight so bad! I will feel so much better when I lose weight. I love fashion and will have so much more fun shopping for clothes. I really hope I get my settlement from the lawsuit My Dad and I have a lawyer working on. Once I get that money, I will go to a lawyer and make Stefanie’s Safe Space an official 501(c)3 non profit and will be able to get donations and hopefully grants and maybe state funding. I just need to be humble and stay patient. My dream is becoming a reality and I will have my own facility one day. I just also hope I can meet my soulmate soon. I know he will be so worth the wait though. I know God already has him picked out for me and He knows when and where we will meet. I just need to continue to be patient with that and focus on my mental and physical health. I am pretty content being single fot the most part. I keep myself pretty busy. When I am home I like to blast my music and I need to work on my penguin diamond art more. I have been taking a NAMI Peer to Peer class on Tues and Thursday evenings. Next week is the last week. Then I will take the Peer to Peer leader to teach that class which I do not think I want to do now, but still have to take it to be able to take the Peer Support Specialist class which I want to take again. I took Peer to Peer and Peer Support Specialist 10 years ago, but thought it would be good to take them again. I am also starting a church class called Rooted tomorrow with my friend Rina. That is 10 weeks I believe and I am excited for it! So despite not having a day job, I have been keeping myself busy. Most days I go to AA at 5:30pm. And I want to start going to the women’s meeting at 3pm or 3:30pm which are every day at the Eastside Meeting Place. I haven’t been in awhile. I need to make a schedule for cleaning at my house. I finally got some stuff done a couple of days ago and started putting the laundry away yesterday but I need to clean my shower and bathroom still. I did wash my bed sheets and comforter though and that felt good to do! Okay I am going to leave soon for AA. I need to brush my teeth still. Hope everyone has a blessed and amazing Saturday! Thank you for your support! Much love!