I love and need my sister so much!!

I had a really good day today. It’s always good to wake up sober and not have to worry about a hangover or drinking hair of the dog. I had my 2 cups of coffee and I think I talked with my Aunt Val on the phone. I had an NP psych appt at 9:30am on Teams so I got to do the appt from the comfort of my home. I really like my NP. He is cool. NP’s listen and care more than doctors. I told him I am feeling great and was able to start the new anti psychotic 2 days before I was due for the other anti psychotic injection. The injection I was doing monthly since last April raised my prolactin levels and I stopped my period for almost a year. I am definitely not complaining about that, but I am so glad he suggested a new cleaner medication that won’t make me gain weight and won’t mess with my hormones. TMI, but it would be nice to have a healthy sex drive especially since I am meeting my soulmate soon! I let him know I have been taking the 300mg of Wellbutrin. He asked if I went to the hospital again and was prescribed that. lol. He forgot that he prescribed 75mg of Wellbutrin with 20 mg of Cymbalta and then went to the 300mg of Wellbutrin. He asked if I wanted to try a mood stabilizer called Lamictal. I have taken that before and it’s the only mood stabilizer I would ever want to take, because there are no side effects for me. I told him no thanks, I am good without a mood stabilizer. He said okay well if you ever feel like you are getting manic come see me so we can increase your anti psychotic. He doesn’t want me to have to go to the hospital, because the prescribe “crap meds”. Pretty sure that was the word he used. He said they use old barbaric medications like Haldol. I told him ya I never want to go back to the hospital cause the only choices they ever give me is Depakote or Lithium which are both so old and in my opinion toxic and bad. While taking those medications you have to get blood tested monthly to make sure it’s not too toxic. They work for some people. A good friend of mine says Depakote is the only thing that works for her now and I have another friend who likes Lithium. When I am on Lithium I am zombied out and lose my personality. Depakote I have already talked about, but I was losing a lot of hair and felt depressed. He said okay I will see you in 30 days. As soon as I hung up the phone I realized I should just take the Lamictal. My sister said I need to take a mood stabilizer and an anti psychotic if I want to see her and my nephews and niece and they are so so important to me. I can’t imagine going a year or years without them. I was so excited and proud of my decision. I called back and left a message for my caseworker. Hopefully she told my NP today and they will mail out Lamictal soon. I text my sister and let her know that I am going to take a mood stabilizer and that her and her kids are so important to me and I love them so much. I wasn’t expecting a text back right away and that’s okay. She probably wants to wait till I am actually taking the Lamictal and it’s in my system for a bit. I am just hopeful that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I can wait a couple or few more weeks if that is what she needs. Hopefully it won’t be much longer than that. I text my cousin and she said, “Wow cuz super proud of you for not only recognizing the importance for advocating for yourself, while taking care of your mental health while ensuring you don’t lose important people in your life who just genuinely love and care about you. I then took a nice relaxing bath and then a hot shower. I wanted to look cute for AA so dried my hair and used my big crimper for a nice wave look. I picked out a cute outfit. I decided to go through my office to look for a document I need. I found a lot of cool stuff. I found an old resume from my Gramps John who was the lead civil engeineer on many projects. He worked on hotels in Vegas and also did nuclear bomb testing underground in New Mexico. Under personal he wrote his height and weight and that he was married and a veteran. He was in the Navy. I have the cutest pic of him on top of my armoir in his navy uniform. He must have been about 18 years old. He was so handsome!! I also found a photo album that I made for my Gramps Fritz after my Grams Shirley passed away and it is so cute! I need to get back into scrapbooking. It is so fun. I found lots of cute pictures of my nephews and my best friend and I in Hawaii when we were 16 and just some random pictures of my cousins! I also found a suicide note from August 2019. My handwriting was good and it was about 5 pages to my whole family. I balled my eyes out when I read it. My cousin, Aunt, and Bestie told me to burn it. I don’t have a working lighter at my house. I need to get a new one for my candles. I will just rip it to shreds and throw it away when I go back in my office. I ended up going to the 3:30pm women’s AA meeting and then chaired the 5:30pm meeting. Both meetings were really good. I ran into the older lady who I love who keeps it real and cusses. I asked her how she is and she was laughing and said, “I am dandy like cotton candy!” Thought that was the cutest thing ever. It is 9:18pm on Thursday night now and I am getting tired. I think I will go wash my face, brush my teeth, take my meds, and lay down in bed. Lately I have loved listening to Christian music at a low volume when I go to sleep. Tomorrow morning my Dad told me to call him in Chicago at about 7:30am my time cause he got paperwork for my mental disability and he wants to make sure he fills it out correctly. Then I am going to breakfast with a good friend at Poco and Mom’s! It’s so yum! She bought a Stefanie’s Safe Space shirt from me so I am bringing that. I hope I see my friend Amanda who is a server there who is so amazing! I used to get the chile relleno breakfast which was also my Gramps Fritz favorite but last time I went with my Dad and Step Mom I tried the guocamole omelet which is my sister’s favorite! It was so yum and is now my favorite. I get it with green chile sauce and white sauce which is like a sour cream sauce. Okay hope everyone has a great night and if you are the praying type, please pray for me and my sister to reconnect!! Peace and love my friends and family!