Bye to my little sister?!

I already wrote about the situation about my sister and I miss my sister, but I really was hoping she would talk to me soon. My birthday is next April 23rd and was hoping she would talk to me by then. She had said we could talk. When I found out she didn’t want to see me on Easter, I lost faith that she would have a relationship with me again. I text her a screen shot of her Facebook post she posted last September 2025 telling everyone that was my Facebook friend and not really my friend to unfriend and block me because I was not well and slandering my family in ways that are unrepairable. She said she is causing damage to my mother, brother, sisters, myself and all our children that she can never ever fix. She needs help. Anyone liking her posts or commenting on them to make her feel better are causing more damage to my family. Please stop! First of all even though I talked bad about my Dad and brother, things that were not true.. I have a good relationship with them and they support me. I also have a good relationship with my 28 year old adopted sister despite talking bad about her too.. I will be able to see her kids who are 8 and 5. They live with my Mom so it may be hard but Marissa said we will figure it out. I can have them at my house or take them out to icecream or to Target or something. But I was triggered in more ways than one last year when this all happened. My Mom and 22 year old sister got in a bad fight in front of 3 little kids. They were cussing and screaming at each other and supposedly according to my sister, my Mom pushed her to the ground while pregnant. My Mom’s story is different of course She said she just turned her around and pushed her out of the room. I had a few other things going on in my mind when I was hospitalized last September. I recently received a long text from my sister that says I’m sorry you had to see that (the screenshot of her FB post). However, that is the reality I live in with your mental health. She said to me you talk so much about PTSD, what about mine? I never said she doesn’t have PTSD and never said it wasn’t so hard for her to go through my mental illness with me. I didn’t think that my PTSD gave her PTSD, but guess it did. I just figured she had some PTSD from being a pediatric emergency nurse for over 20 years. She said you think it was easy for Jason (my brother) and me to drive to the courthouse and tell the judge our biological sister we grew up with and love needs to be served paperwork telling her to leave us alone and stay away from our children? Well it wasn’t. I was served that paperwork while I was at the psych hospital October 2024 and was so upset that I ripped it up into little pieces. The facility couldn’t throw it out so they put it with my stuff. I don’t even know what the reason they put down. Probably just that I have mental illness. At the time I thought my brother raped me and I called the cops to his house and DCS. She said you think I wanted to send you to jail in order to keep myself and my kids safe? I just went there to check on my nephew. She didn’t need to send me to jail to keep her kids safe. I would never hurt anyone. I knocked on the door and saw him through the window when I remembered I had a restraining order against me and left. I would never try to take him against his will or hurt him in any way. I went to jail for a felony for 7 nights. It was awful. I wrote a blog about it. Thank goodness that whole charge was dropped, because I didn’t really do anything. The only other thing she told the cop was that I text my nephews to come look at my new car but was gone before they came out. She said you think I wanted to get a call while working that my only biological sister tried to take her own life and is currently on life support? Of course I knew that was so hard on her. I think I already mentioned that she was there by my side every day. I try to put myself in her shoes and can’t even imagine how hard that was for her. Part of the reason I did that was because she didn’t want a relationship with me and I couldn’t see her kids. Also I was on a high dose of Depakote (mood stabilizer she wants me to take) that made me feel suicidal and I knew I wasn’t going to have a car because it was going to be repossessed and I also quit my job impulsively when I was manic. She said what about my needs and my mental health Stefanie? Of course I want her mental health to be good and am so glad she has a therapist who she likes. She said you act as though I am trying to punish you you keeping you from my kids. I do feel like she is punishing me. I am doing so well and there is no reason to keep her kids from me. She said what about the punishment seeing you not accepting the reality that has been our lives, not just yours, OURS for almost 30 years!!!! I know the reality of my mental illlness. I am not a fucking idiot! And I know it has been hard on my family. Just glad my sister and brother are in therapy. My Mom is beyond help and my Dad is a really strong man even though I know it has been so so hard on him too! She said she is in therapy working on herself to be better for her children who are minors and because I MATTER!! I never said she doesn’t matter and of course I want her to be better for her children. I want nothing but the best for my minor nephews and niece. She said she knows with her whole heart that I have been through hell and back and she wouldn’t wish what I endured on her worst enemy. No one asked for this life for you. I 110% agree that you have PTSD. However I am 2000% do not agree that is your main issue in life. Your PTSD came from trauma you endured because you were not taking your medication you need to take. That is 100% not true. I have been molested as a child, raped in the hospital, handcuffed, put in jail, restrained a couple of times. I have a lot of trauma that has nothing to do with my medications. I have been taking my medications most of my adult life. Even when I was taking my medications, I would have PTSD flashbacks cause a mood stabilizer can’t stop that from happening. She said I wish I could change that for you. However, you can change it for yourself. She said I want nothing more than to be in your life and you in mine/my kids. I want you to be healthy, happy, and most of all mentally well. I am so mentally well right now and happy and healthy besides what she is doing to me. She said therefore I AM setting boundaries. There is little you can control in this life and this is one of those things. I have struggled with this decision my entire adult life, but I am done allowing this behavior any more. Take your meds (mood stabilizer and anti psychotic) or don’t call me. I love you soooo much and I’m sorry this is where we are at now.

So I guess we just won’t have a relationship. I am not going to take a mood stabilizer because she thinks she is smarter than my NP psychiatrist. She doesn’t know what I need for my mental health. I need therapy, the meds I am taking which includes an anti depressant, sleep med, and anxiety med. I plan on getting off the anti psychotic soon too. People tell me I should never have told her what meds I am taking or not taking. People say just lie and tell her you are taking a mood stabilizer again. I can’t do that. My purpose in life is to share my whole story and my whole truth. I just continue to pray to God that He watches over my family. But I will start my own family hopefully within a year. I will find a man who respects me and loves me for who I am. God already picked him out so I know it will happen. And maybe we will adopt older kids in a few years. I am not sure if that will happen but it could. I would be an amazing Mom! I am an amazing Aunt and my 6 year old niece is going to miss me and won’t understand. I just need to let Go and let God and live my life and take care of my mental health. It breaks my fucking heart that I won’t have a relationship with my sister and nephews and niece. It will be hard when my cousins have parties and get togethers, because they both have a better bond with my sister than me. One of my cousins said she will still invite us both and my sister and I will have to figure that out. She said she’s hoping that’s not our future so I don’t even wanna have to think about that. If that’s the case, I will go and if my sister doesn’t want to go because of me that’s her decision. But I bet it will get to the point where I am just not invited. I am sure my other cousin would invite my sister over me to her daughter’s birthday parties. I would hope she would still invite me but I don’t know. This is my life now. I need to focus on the positive and supportive people I have in my life now.