New Friends

Good Morning! I woke up early this morning, because I am going to a brunch to meet a few new friends and see a couple old ones. I feel like every morning when I wake up I am in a way mourning my sister, because she will no longer be in my life. She is toxic to me though and so it is better this way. Again, I just wish things could be different but she will never change and I need to just be as round positive and healthy people. She is giving me no choice too. She is the one who decided not to have me in her life if I don’t take the psych medications she wants me to take. I am dong really good on just an anti depressant and anxiety meds and sleep meds. I did not sleep well last night though. I was up in the middle of the night eating cereal out of the box. Ugh!! So dumb but it made me happy in the moment. I did not take a shower today as I took one yesterday. I just freshened up a bit and put on some deodorant and my new perfume that I love. Amazing Grace! I love starting my day with some writing. I think I may try to do this every day. I framed the picture of my Gramps Fritz and I and it is one my desk! I was about 27 in the picture and thin with dark brown short hair and a really cute dress. My Gramps has a U of A sweatshirt on. I need to frame a picture of my Grams Joyce and I that is up by my front door. I keep propping it up against the wine bottle vases I made for her. It keeps falling though so I need to go to the Dollar Tree to get some frames. I also need to go to the grocery store to get more bottled water and cucumbers and a few things. I am supposed to meet my sponsor today at about 12:15pm. She cancelled last week but she did text me back when I was having a hard time. I am not sure if we are meeting today. I need to text her and let her know I will not be at the 11am women’s meeting. My sister finally cut off my Apple Music. I was waiting for her to do that. But no big deal, I subscribed myself and am jamming out to some good Christian music. I love music. Music is one of my biggest coping skills. I have not been into watching shows or movies lately. My mind would just rather listen to music and do diamond art or clean or whatever. I need to break out some old wine bottles I have and make some wine bottle vases. Maybe I will have my neighbor twin girls over for arts and crafts sometime soon. We have done that before and it was fun! I think they are 7 years old now. I am doing really well despite my family problems. I will never have a good relationship with my Mom. I just can’t look the other way and forget how she has treated me my whole life especially when I was in crisis. And she bet me a million dollars I will end up back in the hospital and that is not supportive. I wonder when my Dad and Step Mom will be back from their cruise. I am mad at my Dad for the way he has been talking to me on text message. Last time he text me I just did not respond. I don’t really think I need to have a relationship with my brother whether is hurt me as a child or not. I really don’t want to do EMDR therapy to have clarity about my childhood trauma but I guess I need to. So my therapist said before our next session Monday I need to put a timeline of events down on paper from my childhood. I will try to work on that later today. It still will probably be a few more sessions before we actually start the EMDR. Okay I better go. Need to get to brunch and it is downtown so parking is always fun! Hope you all have a great day! Thank you for your support!