Jail Time

So I wasn’t planning on writing about my jail time at all, because I am embarrassed about a lot of it. But the World needs to know how people with mental illness are treated in jails. I am sure it is even worse in prison. I am only giving my personal experience in a unit that was specifically for women with mental illness. Let me start with why I was arrested. Well I was arrested once before because my ex brother in law had a restartining order against me and that was just a misdemeanor and about 18 hours in a jail cell with no bed..just a dirty concrete floor and a stainless steel toilet behind a 3 ft wall. The prison guards were awful to me then, but the real story I want to tell is when I was arrested for violating a restraining order my sister had against me. She did not want me around the kids when I was manic last May. She knew I would never hurt them but mental illness can be unpredictable. I drove to her house to check on my nephews. I saw one of my nephews coming down the stairs and he did not answer the door. I think I remembered I had a restraining order so I drove away fast. I past my sister down the street and we both slowed down and were going to reverse to communicate but we did not. I proceeded to go up Mt Lemmon and have a lovely day. I even took a ride on the ski lift. I went to AA at 530pm-630pm and shortly after I arrived home..it was dark, the doorbell rang. I looked out the window and it was 2 cops. I opened the door letting them in but was a little startled. They did not say much before aggressively grabbing my arbs behind my back and cuffing me. This time they were arresting me for a felony and read me my Miranda rights as I was being put in the car. The nice cop who did not cuff me let me have 2 sets of cuffs so it wouldn’t hurt so bad. I made sure they took my rings this time and put them on my counter. I was wearing a sentimental diamond and gold ring of my Grams’. The nice cop drove me to jail, charged my phone for me, and let me listen to country music. I sat in the holding area for a bit while they did paperwork. The woman took my ponytail holder. Then I went back and stripped down and spread my butt cheeks and got into white oversized scrubs and orange slides. I had to get my fingerprints done and my mug shots. I think at first I sat down on a blue bench with other women but since I couldn’t sit still like last time, they put me in the same shitty cell with no bed and just a toilet for about 13 hours or maybe more until I could see the judge on the computer. This time was different since it was a felony. I had a lawyer there with me and there were 2 options. I only remember one option which was like a $1,500.00 bond. Later on I found out that my family watched me on YouTube. I went back to the cell for awhile. Had to do a pee test. The only thing they had to eat there were gross bologne sandwiches. They gave me 2. I ate 1. A lady with blue eyes came and talked to me and asked me if I wanted to go to the mental health unit instead of general population. She said it would be nicer there and they have group therapies. I said sure thanks that sounds nice. So eventually they took me to another unit. On the way we stopped in a room and I had to strip down and spread my butt cheeks and change into oversized orange scrubs. I then had to sit on a bench while a German Shepard dog came behind me sniffing me for drugs. I was balling crying as we walked onto the unit. I remember the first correction officer I saw and he was the biggest douche. I asked if I could get a phone call and he said, it’s not like the movies, you don’t get a phone call for awhile”. I was at the last cell think it was #1 on the right bottom floor. There was a twin plastic mattress on the dirty floor and he handed me 2 grey wool blankets, 2 brown wash cloths, and a small bar of dial soap. I asked for a toothbrush and toothpaste but think that took about 36 hours to get. I wish I remembered the guys’ name cause I would blast him all over here. I never looked at his name tag. I stared him straight in the face. Another girl named Rosenthaul was about 23years old and looked just like my 23 year old sister Emma so I called her Emma. She was eventually trying to help me use the tablet to make a phone call. She did not know how through and think I needed a debit card which I did not have. I had my phone with my debit card on that but that would not work. So no phone call. My toilet faced the door so everyone could see me when I had to use the bathroom. I was just grateful for the mattress though. This is really long and there is still so much more. I ended up being there 7 nights. The first night I was on detox (even though I am clean and sober) so they woke me up in the middle of the night with lights (if I was even sleeping) and I had to go out in the hallway to get vitals checked. The nurse and the correctional officers were bitches so when my breakfast came along the opened up the mail door slot and before I could get up to get my breakfast she took it back and slammed the door. So I was starving till lunch which was a bologna sandwich. I found out the next morning that breakfast is the best. I had a cup in my cell and at some point I decided to fill up the cup with water and just flood my cell. I was manic still. The water was then turned off and I thought it was God turning the water off. There was so much food and stuff on the floor..it reminded me of the camp floods that recently happened when a lot of girls tragically died. I used the bottom of my pants they were way to big to mop my cell clean and also I think I used my hands. Obviously looking back on it the guards saw a video of me flooding my cell and turned the water off. The toilet eventually got full and I was running out of toilet paper. I told Rosenthaul and showed her I was almost out of toilet paper but she did not care. So I ended up covering the gross toilet with one of the grey blankets and took a big poop on the concrete by the toilet. I used one of the brown washcloths to wipe my butt. I also ended up having to pee about 8 times while my toilet was out of order so I just took my pants off and peed on the floor. I moved my mattress closer to the door. Vanessa was scratched into the glass window btw..my sisters’ name. Throughout my stay I would get hot and cold so I would just take my top off and use it as a pillow at times and then put it back on. I could give a shit of these jerk men could see me. I was holding the bar of dial soap up to my nose cause it smelled so bad. I wrote all over the glass window with the soap saying Stefanie’s Safe Space and Fuck (the nurses name who was so mean). One officer I think Rodriguez.. a woman.. finally got me out of my cell so she could have it decontaminated. She said I need to pick up my poop though. So I asked her for a glove and she gave me a pink latex glove. They had someone working on the pipes and shockingly everything flushed down. As my cell was getting decontaminated I got to sit outside which was amazing. There was a very tall wall with an open space to see the sky. I saw a helicopter, an eagle, and a black butterfly. I went back into my clean cell and the fire alarm temporarily went off. That was to let me know that God and all my angels are with me including my Grandpa Fritz who was a retired Tucson Fire Chief. One day I finally got to make a call to my Aunt. That was amazing. I tried to call my sister even know I think the judge told me not to. But my Aunt answered and we got to chat for a bit. I did not get to go to any of the group therapies. I got to finally shower one day. I did not wet my hair so it wouldn’t tangle. Rodriguez ended up being a bitch. Can’t remember exactly why. They still never gave me any more toilet paper. I met with a lawyer one night and can’t really remember what she said, but she sounded and looked good. I brought with me court documents that were given to me and she looked them over and missed the last page. When I got back to my cell it said I was to be transferred to the CRC with 24 or 48 hours can’t remember. So I knew I was getting out. Oh The douchebag who I called a rapest cause he laughed when I said I was raped..he threw my spaghetti all over the floor one night. He said .. act like an animal, be treated like an animal. There were no forks or spoons with any meals. I used the bread as my utensil. I yelled at them that I am undercover for Trump and when he finds out how bad you are treating people, you will be fired! They just laughed and called me crazy. I took one last poop for them on the concrete and told them.. EAT MY SHIT!! I used the other brown washcloth to wipe my butt. When they tried to open my cell, I knew my ride to the CRC was there. They said pick up your stuff. I had ripped up some papers and threw them all over the floor. And maybe some orange peels and stuff. I put everything in the toilet. Rosenthaul said why did you put it in my toilet? I said because you didn’t give me the trash can in time. I wanted to get the hell out of there. Actually before I threw all they papers in the toilet I used a paper to put some poop on the cell window and used some paper to slide shit under the door for them. I am probably missing some stuff but this is long. She threw my clothes including my Tucson Fire pants and nice sandals on the floor and told me to get dressed. I got dressed so fast. I got to step over my poop and get the F out of there. 2 real Sherriffs took me to the CRC and let me be handcuffed in the front. The douchebag and Emma said she’s crazy! And I was just laughing cause I knew they would be fired some day. I plan on going in with Donald Trump and bringing toilet paper and shampoo and conditioner, utensils, and more comfortable blankets or whatever else. I asked to talk to a Seargant so many times and was denied. So it won’t happen today or tomorrow but maybe in a few months or a couple years or so, this story will be well known! It’s already available for the World to see. We will see how fast it takes for the news to see. I may wait till I get my official non profit 501c3 to share with the news or I may not! Hope you enjoyed this read! Sorry if it was gross!