26!

I don’t think I have written about this yet. I was 26 years old. My Aunt Kiki had just died and I had just gotten plastic surgery after losing 119 pounds in a year after having gastric bypass surgery. I loved my Aunt Kiki so much. I did not see hew much since she was living in Colorado (not sure how long before she died). It was very unexpectedly. She was clean and sober. I probably should not go into the details of what happened. But I was so so sad to lose her. And it was so so hard to see my cousin Ashleigh lose her Mom. My Aunt Kiki and I always had a special connection. I called her from pshych hospitals in the past. She let me drive her car and told me how beautiful I am. She had an infectious laugh. So losing my Aunt and having a major surgery (tummy tuck and breast lift and partial augmentation) was definitely enough to cause me to go into a manic episode. After my Aunt died I remember opening my phone book on my bedroom floor to look up the radio station number to request the song Angel by Sarah McLachlan. But before the radio station picked up, my song came on! It was so amazing! I cried as I knew my Aunt Kiki was with me! This was probably one of the worst manic episodes I have ever had. I can’t remember how it started. I know I was out partying with my friends and driving too fast. One night I was staying at my Dad’s house and had weird feelings and my sister and her boyfriend were there too. The ambulance had to be called and my Dad came home from work in his Tucson Fire Truck.I think this was the time but I am not sure. Ya pretty sure it was. I was trying to take my pants off in the driveway. Rural Metro Fire Department came as my Dad lived in the county. They took me to TMC. I am pretty sure my Dad rode with us or he may have followed because he had his Tucson Fire Truck. I remember feeling Osama bin Laden. I felt evil right in my face. I ended up being admitted to Palo Verde Behavioral Health Hospital. I was there for about 2 months. After a few weeks, My Dad wanted to kick the doctor’s ass when he told my Mom and Dad I would probably never come out of it and would need to be taken care of for the rest of my life. They were giving me so many drugs which in my opinion did not help. They just made me worse and made me zombied out. Some of the thoughts I was having is that my 2 adopted sisters were my babies. I had 2 scars on my stomach (an upside down cross from surgeries- when I look at it, it’s a cross). I had reconnected with a guy who had a big crush on me in Middle School but I was too shy. He was really cute and even though he had an off and on girlfriend since HighSchool, I thought he was my soulmate. He had taken me on a motorcycle ride up Mt Lemmon once and it was really nice and fun. It was dark on the way home and he rode really fast, but I trusted him. While I was at the hospital I was planning our wedding at Disneyland. We were going to have fancy cakes in each land. I think this is the hospital stay when I threw water in a nurse’s face. I just need time and the right medications to come out of a manic episode.. In my opinion, they were not giving me the right medications. They were giving me a combination of medications not knowing what side effect was from what. I did eventually come out of it though after about 2 months. I also remember being at Sonora Hospital at some point during that crisis so not sure if I was discharged from Palo Verde and then sent to Sonora. I remember feeling my Aunt a lot with me and I remember jumping in the shower with all my clothes but this could have been a different time. Either way, I was an EMT and I went back to being an EMT. This may have been the time that I had to take a medication that didn’t let me write well and we did all our documentation by hand but I figured it out and maybe got off that medication. I went and saw a psychiatrist and I can’t remember but hopefully got off some of the meds they were giving me in the hospital.