Break or total break down?!

I should be going to sleep now, but after getting home from the behavioral health hospital early this afternoon, I’ve had so much I want to get done! Put in some laundry now and got some cleaning done! I had a total PTSD breakdown and the Sherriff had to take me in for 15 nights! The doctor was absolutely horrible and I ended up getting court ordered to take a medication I don’t like! I was dumb I guess to think I could advocate for myself to continue taking the meds that worked for me for 3 or 4 years! But even though the judge has the final say, they listen to the doctors and in this case also my Mother and brother who testified against me! My Mother I was already at peace not having her in my life and after court I called her and said why did you have to kick me when I’m down. She still has no clue how her lack of empathy and caring and just not being able to hug me when I’m in crisis has damaged my mental health so bad! There will have to be multiple blogs about the doctor and 15 nights locked up after I said last time would be the last time!! Ugh!! But for real this is the last time. I trusted my brother and talked to him quite a bit while in the hospital so I was very sad, surprised, and disappointed that he chose to testify against me.

But once again, I got through it and now it helps me more to tell my whole truth and part of the reason that inspired me to create a non profit called Stefanie’s Safe Place. Long story short the hospitals are so fucking shitty!

After I ubered to pick up my car at my brother’s, I filled up on gas and got a car wash. Then went straight home to my dog Dexter who is such a handsome amazing giant sweetheart! I hung at home awhile and then went to AA cause that’s where my people are… my family, the people who understand me and are there with unconditional love for each other! I was really hoping to see my new friend Edward and I did for 2 meetings! Both meetings were awesome and I saw some other great people and saw a friend get her 12 year chip!!

After AA I was planning on just going home. I’m pretty emotionally

Drained. I saw a license plate that said VNE.. which is basically what I call my sis.. Vane! Since I was close to her work, I went there to see her. She wasn’t there but I saw her best friend , hugged her, gave her my business card go give to my sis! (I’m so excited to have 600

Beautiful business cards) and I told her BFF as I cried my eyes out that I NEED my sister! I will be mailing letters to my nephews and a colored pic for my niece! It sucks cause my nephews are old enough to say they want to see me, but still young enough for my sister to Keep them from me. Hopefully I can see them soon tho and hoping to have the support and love from my sister! Cause it’s been a hard few days having to cut my Mother,brother, sis in law, Father. And Step Mom out of my life! But they don’t believe my trauma and are holding me back from my purpose in life… my 10 year dream to have my own foundation to end the stigma of mental illness! Sleep is so important so I better crash out so I can wake up and go to my AA meeting at 630am at the Alano Club! Okay that’s enough for now! Please and Love my friends!