Bye Mom: Part 2

I told you guys it would be a lot and there is still a lot. I may forget things but I will go back and edit. In all fairness to my Mom, I did talk about my Dad and Brother in the last blog so it’s not exactly 2 full blogs but who knows this blog could end up 10 minutes. Okay so anyway, let me tell you a little bit of the phone call with my Mom last night. She said she would bet me One million dollars that I go manic and end up back in the hospital at some point! The very end of the conversation, I asked her if she wants a relationship with me? I think she did say she did. But fast forward a little and she yelled..maybe you should ask yourself if you want a relationship with me and you need to go see your therapist and have someone else in your life! And I ended with, Fuck you bitch. In that moment, I felt like that is what I needed to say and I don’t regret my last words to my Mom. There is no going back now. I am not apologizing again. After every time I have said I didn’t want my Mom in my life, I always just forgave her for everything she has done to me even though she would never say sorry or take any accountability. I may have never said sorry after being in crisis, because I can’t control my brain and things I say. Something I brought up on the phone again was about a time she took me to the hospital, because I was having flashbacks of being raped in the hospital (when I was 22 years old) aka a manic episode. Yes, she made a point that she came and got me and took to the hospital. But as we waited in the waiting area for me to go back to a holding area, my Mom was just getting so pissed and irritated that is was taking too long. At one point I was on the floor on my stomach with my legs crossed. I just wanted her to leave, because I knew the nurses there and knew they would take great care of me. They assured us I was getting a bed. I yelled to my Mom, Please just get the Fuck out! And she said..I’m not bringing you your conditioner and slippers. Then she told people and still sticks to the story that I was up in her face and at one point she said I tried to hit her. She thinks I can’t remember everything in crisis. I was at least 10 feet away. She just likes to play the victim. So your daughter is in crisis, needs to be hospitalized, and you aren’t going to help your daughter at all because she said the F word. You’d rather her have dread locks like she has in the past and cracked heels.You accepted my bi-polar diagnosis when I was 22 I believe and so you should know that I can’t control my mind when I’m “manic”. On the phones my Mom yelled that she would do it again. She would not bring my conditioners and slippers again. There is so much more that I want to write by I am so tired and just want to lay down for a bit. Okay I am back. On the phone call last night I also was talking to her or yelling at her about how she did not support me when I took pills after my divorce. She said on the phone she doesn’t even remember that happening. I was angry and depressed and wanted to kill myslef after my divorce. I didn’t have it planned out so don’t think I even had enough pills. But my point is, I called my Mom and told her I took too many pills. She rushed over with my younger teenage sister at the time. My Mom walked right past me to the counter with the pills. She didn’t even give me a hug. She was pisssed that I had to go to the hopital cause I took too many. I am sure she was scared as she was when I tried to take my own life last October. I am not saying she wasn’t, but she lacks empathy when it comes to my mental illness. But she said she couldn’t even remember after my diviorce in 2013 or maybe before the divorce was final in 2012. I knew I was going to have to foreclose on my house. Which brings me to my next story. My second house was the 2nd house on the left.