Emotionally drained

I am back to work for my second and last shift of the week. I am happy to be here and it’s so nice seeing another therapist who works here on Wed, Fri, and Sundays! I was kind of dreading folding the 4 huge bags of laundry, because my back is fucked up, but I also kind of feel like I got hit by a train! My manager’s brother helped fold though last night which was so amazing and helpful..I can still be friendly and outgoing but inside I feel so emotionally drained. I took sleep meds last night and threw up like 10 minutes later so took more. I got home from AA and had bought 2 small bags of chips and went home and made a yummy toasted sandwich with chips inside the 2 pieces of keto bread along with ham and mayo and mustard. I ate it pretty fast, but forgot I ate the rest of my ahi tuna salad for lunch at about 5pm. I had gastric bypass when I was 25 years old.. 2005 and every time I throw up I feel resentment towards my Mother, because she has a medical mind (RN for over 45 years) and she thought that cutting my stomach open (6 inch incision scar) to remove most of my stomach would help save my life and end my severe depression and help me to lose weight. It did!! I just wish I would have taken the $18,000 and gotten a freaking personal chef, personal trainer, life coach, therapist and a good woman psychiatrist. My Mom did help me get a woman psychiatrist who specialized in weight loss at some point (forgot how old I was). So after the surgery, I lost 119 pounds in a year, had long blonde blonde hair, got plastic surgery when I was 26 and looked and felt amazing! I was all over billboards in town and commercials and magazines advertising for the greedy ass doctor who did not do a meal prep or psych exam. He just wanted to do as many as he could and only took him a half hour with the open incision and then me and the other patients had to recover in the hospital for 4 days on a morphine drip. Could have would have should have. Oh well, it did save my life from suicide. I had money from selling my first house when I was 22 and my Dad helped with $5,000 and think my Mom helped some too but not sure. I paid $8,000.00. My stomach is a little rough now cause had toast for breakfast and some beef jerky on the way to work and stopped to get a yummy chai latte from Yellow Brick Coffee.

Still writing but taking a break!

Okay so yesterday was a great day ay work and I left at 6pm to rush to the end up my AA meeting. It’s so funny cause I used to hate red lights, but now I like the time to chill, pause, and take a breath. My GPS had said 3.3 miles and 10 minutes, and I should have taken the route it suggested, but my “needing to take control” brain thought I knew a better way. Ended up having to go all the way up to Speedway and back the other way down Columbus which I should have taken in the first place from Ft. Lowell. Anyway, so glad I made it to the meeting for my spiritual fix, lots of hugs and support. I listened to a few awesome shares and then after the meeting was able to hangout and talk to people for about 20 minutes give or take.. Found out 2 good friends got sobriety birthday chips… 7 years and 10 years!! SO amazing and I am so proud of them and happy for them!! I went and got my chips to go!! Cheese Doritos and Sour Cream an onion Lays! Ha ha! Offered a ride to a super sweet lady and we had a great conversation.

Ended up at Tucson Fire Station #9 on my way home to talk to Battalion Chief 3 Adam again letting him know I am very disappointed if someone there called my bro. They listened to me vent as I was very upset and he said he can call and put a complaint in for me or he can give me the number. I asked him to just please give me the number and I will call during business hours if needed. As I got home, the more I thought about that stupid rookie cop… I think it was him. I will be filing a formal complaint with TPD internal affairs, and I will be suing and he may need to be fired and it will be a hard lesson for him but set an example for other cops who need to be smarter and have more empathy! I told Adam and EC 3 that I love the fire dept and would never sue them. There was a woman FF who sued cause she did hot have a private room at the time to breast pump for her baby. That is absolutely ridiculous and my Gramps Fritz wrote an article in the newspaper in regard to the situation. If you’re going to be a bad ass woman on the fire dept and want babies, transfer temporarily to Fire Prevention or communications or Fire investigator. Dumb ass! They are going to get a code 3 call for a cardiac arrest, and will have to wait for her to finish pumping for her baby at home! I just can’t even!! (Eye roll emoji) (Disgust emoji)!

Okay happy Huuuump day everyone! Hoping to go to trivia after my AA meeting but not sure how I will feel yet! Hope you’re having a fabulous and blessed day!