God Moments

The 530pm AA meeting I go to is so good! Started my day off this morning with my other favorite 630am meeting. It’s been so good to see my AA family. They get me! Last night it was about the difference between Agnostic and Atheist. I shared that I was Athiest growing up as a child. It is just so cool to look back though at all the God moments…the moments God had me even though I did not think He existed. I found faith on my own as an adult. The first time I remember feeling God was in my trauma at age 22 when I was restrained and raped in the hospital. My Gramps had just died a couple years prior to that and I felt him with me so strong. I am definitely meant to be alive though cause there were so many times I could have died but God had me!! My trauma, mental illness, and alcoholism caused me to want to take my life so many times. I had a plan and a place. I was going to go to the Hilton Hotel that my grandfather was lead civil engineer for… I did not want my Dad and family to have to find me days later like my Dad found my Uncle Scotty. I cried through it though and drank through it. Wine just made it worse, but I felt my angels and I thought about my nephews. Bi-polar is so hard! And I was able to hide it very well most days. I once went to a cancer benefit event and the whole time was thinking about wanting to die. I felt so guilty but that’s how I felt. I am so glad I have survived my mental illness and am so grateful to be sober. A lot of emotions and past trauma have come out since being sober. It has been hard to deal with it all, but I stayed sober!! One day at a time!