Hope Floats

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As I lay in my comfy bed again with my big fluffy purple comforter, grey sheets cause it’s too hot for a comforter! I just got home from Home Depot! I just wanted to go get a brand new hose for my backyard so I can clean and fill up my pool for my amazing dog Dexter! I have a Home Depot credit card and went a little “crazy” cause I felt my Grams Joyce with me so hard! I got 3 of the same purple plants she has outside her house, a big pink plant for my my front door that is coral with pink owls to the side, a teal sign that says .. Fuck Around and Find Out Surveillance. (Got that idea from Pinterest)! I also got a big green beautiful plant that barely fit in my 2019 “red velvet” Jeep Cherokee! I also got 2 brand new hoses for the front yard and back yard! I think washing my car is therapeutic! I had a $20 a month car wash but when I tried to cancel it, they Fucked up and charged me twice after trying to give me a $5 a month discount for 3 months or some shit! I also got a hanging plant for by my front door! And an older truck like a 72 Chevy like my Dad has … it’s small with a succulent plant in it! It’s for my oldest almost 16 year old nephew! I was willing to get a personal loan to put $2,000 towards his car! Friends of mine judged me! They said kids should buy their own cars. But kids need tools to be successful! I was given a hand me down white grandpa car with red velvet seats that I loved! Because I could drive it to all my jobs starting with my first one as a hostess at Dennys (Princess Diana died around that time), and I’ve felt her with me a lot off and on since I was about 26! Then I also got a cute purple pot that can be for one of my nieces. I also have purple and blue bubbles! I think parents may get annoyed with bubbles cause they are messy and annoying, but I love them! The mat in front of my house says.. Hope you like big ass dogs!! I think my overall point to this is that I’ve never needed a man! I was more successful than my ex husband when we met and got engaged. We got married after 10 months of dating cause I wanted to get the F out of Tucson and not work as an EMT anymore! But also because he treated me so well and genuinely loved me and I loved him!! I had short blonde hair, was thin, and had been an EMT for 8 years making $55,000 a year in 2010! I owned my second house that I was able to get tiled! It had a 2 car garage, Roman bathtub, and walk in closet! I paint all my homes … my first kitchen and current kitchen are currently light purple like the show Friends which I was obsessed with! I love homes and home design and it makes me feel so safe and secure! I went to CT and NY with my ex husband who has the same name as my brother … he took me away from my toxic family (mostly my Mom) for 2 years! I was there in Tucson for the birth of my first nephew when I was an EMT . I moved away when he was less then 2 years old… closer to 1 years old. I missed him so much! This is already too long so I’ll talk more about my marriage and divorce later! I want to skip to the fun stuff!! The happy ending! I just turned on Hope Floats which is one of my favorite movies ever and I relate to it in many ways. I had to start all over after giving up everything for my husband. It’s the only time I actually tried to kill myself. I was used to having everything and now I had almost nothing. But I was so so happy to be back with my sister, cousin, and nephews !! Saying dating has been rough is a major understatement. Would I have loved to find the perfect person for me… of course! But through the years and losing hope, I was so sad and discouraged but I did manage to still hold on to the hope and had the faith that God would have the perfect man for me! He said when I see him, I’ll know and when he sees me, he’ll know! I literally walked into an AA meeting that I don’t usually go to and he was sitting right there! We made eye contact and then introduced ourselves! This was on Monday 9/9. I always thought my perfect man would be a retired marine and someone who just hasn’t been available till now.. not living in town yet or signing his divorce papers.. for some reason I envisioned the name Bradley Michael Miller .. and I think I know why now! But after Edward started talking and telling me his story.. I was like holy Fuck we have the same exact dream almost!! And then I knew for sure! The next time I saw him Tuesday he told me more of his story and I couldn’t even believe it. But yesterday after having a peaceful day thinking I was going to be able to help all the strong women in my family by bringing them to a healing center owned by an amazing woman! Nobody responded to that idea tho… but I was at peace thinking it would all be okay and I wouldn’t have to lose my sisters! I changed into a pretty black flowing skirt, a FUCK PTSD shirt and one of my favorite pairs of sparkly wedges. I knew there was going to be a bbq at about 5 and a party with karaoke so I was excited! I parked at AA, and I knew I was going to for sure see Edward and I was so excited and nervous! I had my Hope Floats moment! I felt all my grandparents, aunts, cousins, friends, Edwards’ sister Samantha and God pushing me towards the door letting me know my dreams are coming true and I don’t have to do life alone anymore!! I was a few minutes late and as I opened the door and walked in, Edward was the first person I saw and I felt so calm, at peace, so happy, and blessed beyond words!!