I’m obsessed!

I freaking love writing and being able to tell my whole truth without holding back at all!

Sex and The City group of friends!! I’m Carrie Bradshaw obviously!! Lol

I’ve always been so honest, but there has been a lot of things I haven’t been able to talk to my family about or anyone. I tried to talk to my family about my vision of meeting an amazing man named Bradley Michael Miller! I first had this vision right after my divorce while I was having the hardest time and staying with my Grams for a couple until the renters got out of my house. That’s also when I first for sure realized I have a baby girl with God and my angels! Shaylynne Joy!! 🩷But I was so so thankful to still have my house! But that was pretty much all I had afraid of having to start all over without my former best friends… my ex husband Jason and my ex Friend Jen! But my Grams was there for me so hard! She was the sweetest most kindest woman ever! She had so so many amazing close friends from High School right up to the day she died! I still have a lot of friends from HS, but most went to Phoenix and other states like Illinois than Tennessee and another good friend is in Florida! But as an adult I’ve always wanted a Sex and The City group of friends! At least 3 other women who aren’t married or tied down and don’t have kids! I’ve had some friends along the way, but when you’re “bi-polar” “manic depression” “manic” “in crisis”… whatever you want to call it and whatever the fuck then docs want to say to get as much money for as many mood stabilizer cocktails they can make! But my point is, I’ve found out who my true friends are when I’m in crisis! But I know my worth and I don’t deserve to have friends or boyfriends or anyone who treats me with less respect and compassion than I deserve! I had to recently cut out 2 friends who happen to have the same name with different spellings! The first one was easy cause I only met her a couple months ago or so! But regardless of her having owl earrings when I met her and thinking we’d be good friends, she was a really shitty person… lied, stole meds from her hospice patients who died and that’s only to name a couple horrible traits of her character. The other friend I had been friends with since I was about 26 going back to school for nutrition and then elementary education while already being an EMT since 22 years old working full time at least 240 hours a month! When I met my ex husband she talked shit about him cause he was kind of nerdy/dorky! But he was such a good man (Jason… a temporary replacement for my big bro Jason)…. He was so good to me until he couldn’t be to me anymore! He left me because my mental illness! My divorce story will be a whole separate blog! But anyway that friend also used me to go out to eat dinner when she always knew I was trying to be healthy and lose weight (my weight loss issues with my mental illness) will probably be multiple separate blogs!! But she never wanted to eat alone! I love eating alone and movies alone and traveling alone! Cause nobody will get in my way of having an amazing time and doing and eating whatever I want whenever I want. That is one of the biggest reasons Ive been so content being single for so long! I love myself and would rather hangout with my awesome self than settle for someone who will bring me down and be shitty and negative. This friend was always so rude and judgemental! Like every little thing I did was wrong… I remember back when I was 26 in my beautiful home I owned all on my own.. she told me I’m chopping the peppers wrong! She told me once I need to completely dry my dishes before putting them in my cabinets or I’ll have mold (I’ve never fucking had a problem with that) and unloading the dishwasher is one of my least favorite things to do! My cabinets are always a complete mess cause I just put everything where there is space and not always in the same place! I love to be organized and clean but also feel like there is a method to my madness! Well I could talk shit about this friend so much more but it’s not worth my time and energy! The ultimate reason I unfriended and blocked them both though was because they knew I was in the hospital for 8 nights… well one of them who I don’t know as well may have not cause I didn’t have access to my Facebook even though I had a friend try for me! But she definetly knew the day after I got out and I’m losing track of time and days but it’s been at least a week since I’ve been out of the hospital and no contact from either of them! And I asked one of my BFFs to message the other one a couple days before I got out and she for sure knew when I got out cause I’ve been putting all my shit.. good, deep, dark, amazing and bad all on Facebook pretty much since I stopped using MySpace which I loved btw with my Danger Zone song and Miller Lite bottles dropping down! I’ve always been an open book! Share all my shit! Some people believe me and some people don’t! My sis in law has her own trauma and she was way less than empathic to me the last 11 years since my divorce. Shes made comments like.. I feel like a princess in a castle when I had to eventually probably foreclose on my house after my divorce. She also said things like… how do you know you want 4 kids for sure if you haven’t had even one?! Right after my divorce (even though I only wanted 2 kids… preferably girls with my ex (he is married and has 3 boys! Ha ha.. he wanted girls too! We were going to name one girl Zona!! But anyway after my divorce I had a vision of having 4 kids!!! And now I definitely know why! I have one daughter already with God and my angels, I will have a boy and girl once I get custody of my 6 year old nephew and 3 year old niece (they have a Dad but he’s pretty shitty too). And then I still think I could biologically have one baby girl now that I’m pretty sure I already met my soulmate the other day! God and my angels kept letting me know that He has an amazing man just for me and when I see him.. I will know and whey he sees me.. he will know! He’s nothing like I predicted! But even better I’m sure! And he definitely hasn’t been available until now! Maybe not even totally now, but we have 6 months to build a friendship and get to know each other better before we can start to “date” according to AA and also that’s just the best way! Instant connection, a lot in common, Friends first! And then the rest will just happen when it is meant to happen!! And then we will probably want to adopt at least one boy so we have 2 boys and 2 girls and they can be forever family and friends! They will also have a ton of cousins to grow up with! And I’m predicting that my 2 cousin and myself will all be pregnant at the same tome! It will be Nicole’s second baby.. and Ash and my first biological daughters or maybe she will have a boy but think we are both definitely have baby girls! And already has a beautiful step daughter and I have my handsome amazing baby boy Dexter! I’m definitely also predicting I will have custody of my nephew and niece within 6 months about! Okay I got off track so many times… sorry that’s how my brain works especially now when I’m still technically fighting through a crisis! Last year someone invited me to a Tucson Girlfriends Facebook page and I’ve met so many amazing “Sex and the City” genuine friends who love me and I love them!! Then another good friend I met made her own Facebook group called Tucson Prickly Chicks and I met so many amazing friends in that group too!! With all that being said, I’m going to try to go back to sleep. My mind was so peaceful and content after going to Olive Garden with my roomie after 2 AA movies! Last night, I had such a crazy day and bad night of anxiety I had to drug myself with Ativan, benedryl, and one hit of indica to go to sleep! I felt high as fuck for like 20 minutes but than crashed out hard for a few hours which was so much needed and I woke up so refreshed to take my dog on a quick walk and then hit my 630am AA meeting which I love! Not sure if I’ve mentioned this on my blog yet cause I assume everyone knows me from Facebook too.. I’m in Tucson, AZ and have 18 months sober from alcohol on Friday the 13th!! There is a big party at AA that night with a bbq for dinner followed by karaoke! Perfect timing for a party! Also, today at the 530pm AA meeting I love.. (happy Joyous Free) there was a big 4 year sobriety, a new guy with 3 years cause prison and then today was his first official AA meeting ! Great timing for him and a couple other new people.. cause there were big red balloons with 4 and lots of cupcakes! I even chopped in a bit and bought a whole pot of coffee for the whole group for only $4 bucks!!

Alright for real tho, I’m going to probably go eat an Olive Garden breadstick with Alfredo (none for my dog tonight cause I accidentally left the sliding door to the kitchen open and he got 5 good everything bagels this morning plus a little plastic I’m sure). He has a tooth tummy tho so I’m not worried this time. Used to worry but all good! And then I will go back to sleep! Good night to anyone reading this! Tomorrow is another new day! I know a few things on my list I need to do… walk Dex, drink coffee, go to 630am meeting, allergy shots, psychiatrist appt and make appt to get finger print clearance at the police station for sometime within a week or whatever my deadline is on my court paperwork! But other than that, who knows what the day will hold! Well actually tomorrow night is also trivia night with friends which I’m so excited about cause I had to miss the last 2 weeks when I was in the hospital!

Okay peace out for real! I love writing and you have no idea how much more I have to share! Also plan on public speaking starting with channel 13 News cause I just happened to run into a crew and the woman gave me her number and text me and I sent her my FB page link for Stefanie’s Safe Space! I was just waiting to get my LLC. A friend was gonna help me and it’s only $50. The lawyer I used to work for charges $1,000 plus! And I was the one who was putting the books together towards the end of my time there! But my friend is dealing with his own family stuff so I will put it on the list for Thursday to submit for my LLC! It’s pretty simple! I’ve seen the website at work before!