I need a reset

I feel like I got hit by a train after the day I’ve had so far! A lady in the early morning AA meeting said she likes to remember that she can always restart her day! She had to restart her day 3 times since she woke up and before getting to a meeting at 630am. So that’s what I’m doing! I’m doing a reset. I met with my Dad which I thought went pretty well. I talked a lot cause I had a lot to say, but I didn’t shed one tear and I held it together ! I was there about 25 min before he could get there so I had time to pull myself together before he arrived. Luckily my server was amazing and we hung out when we were 20 years old and her baby girl was so cute and about one year old! She was such a good Mom to her and then 2 more boys! I gave her a hug and after I vented a little bit about what’s going on, she hugged me again and I let out some crying. But then pulled it back together because I said I have to be strong for my Dad cause I know this is so hard on him and he worries about me and my safety . I keep trying to reassure him that I’m doing really good considering all the circumstances. But then he text me instead of my Mom giving her an update on me from his prospective. It really crushed my heart cause he said … she’s talking non stop about the same shit and everyone else’s problems! He said it was exhausting to listen to me! Thank God I have my psychiatrist appointment in about 10 minutes. I’m just practicing my calm breathing while I wait in the waiting room with a few kids. I called my sister and was shocked that she actually answered her phone. I was trying to explain some things to her but she doesn’t fully support me or understand me. While we were talking I told her I had to go quick cause channel 13 News called and said they can interview me in about 2 weeks. I had called KGUN 9 News when her voicemail was full so we shall see if they call first. I want to be in the right mind set… positive and inspiring when I do my interview! It won’t be the time to share my trauma and dark days .. maybe just a brief explanation on my inspiration for this huge project! I explained to her some of my ideas but told her I have so many more! I have a speech written down that I was going to share at a charity event so I’ll look over that again and see if I can use that or at least part of it! I want to get a nice new outfit… something black and slimming and professional! Maybe she will be able to interview me in my super cute safe house … safe space!! And I can show her some of my coping skills such as wine bottle vases, random crafting, diamond art projects, my cute little cozy pink and light teal library formally known as my AZ Room party room with shot glasses I collected and wine glasses and beer signs! I would love for my dog Dexter to be part of my interview cause he is a huge fluffy coping skill and has helped me out a lot! A friend of mine is looking into getting her dog trained and certified as a therapy dog and she will give me the info on what I need to do for my dog to be a therapy dog! At Palo Verde there was a cool older lady with Rhino tattoos all over her as she said it’s her spirit animal! I love Rhinos as well and have a big bad ass Rhino tattoo on the lateral part of left ankle! It’s for our family name … Rhyner… Rhyno!! Cause we are strong bad asses! She had a small poodle looking dog that was cute and I got to hold her , but if Dexter was there… my giant Great Pyrenees who is a big handsome sweetheart and loves everyone… that would super rad! Well my appt is coming up… and since I’m emotionally drained, I will at least be calm while I explain what’s going on to the new psychiatrist! Hoping I like her but I’m really looking forward to seeing my amazing therapist Tracey asap! I am excited to go to AA after this though to talk to my people who actually understand, believe me, and are super supportive! My family will come around … except my Mother. But right now I have all the healthy resources I need to get better… therapist, psychiatrist, AA, 18 months sobriety, really good loving friends who have been there for me!

Hope everyone is having a good day and again God Bless the USA! I’m so blessed and grateful to be alive, standing tall, and breathing!