I NEED MY SISTER

My sister and I have had a love hate relationship forever ! But love conquers hate 100%! She has always been my role model! She’s 19 months younger but most of the time she feels like my big sister!! But obviously I am her big sister and her protector!! The cop even let me come pick her up when she was about 16 out drinking with friends and I was only 18. Literally my worst fear in my whole life has been to see my sister hurt in front of me!! And I felt like I’ve been tmphysixallr restrained so many times and I just wanted to help her! Protect her! Protect my whole family!! They all thought I was safe when I was at Palo Verdee surrounded by professionals that was not the case. I didn’t want to share this too soon on my blog because I want to protect my nephews. But I’ve tried to tell my family a few times and nobody believed me! I had to keep in for so long and the darkness kept taking over … that there are such bad people … then I’d get more depressed cause I lost and gained weight so much because of my trauma! And I was depressed cause my ex husband left me because of my mental illness! He loved me so much though and now I know he was doing the right thing! But I was unnecessarily forcefully restrained in the Palo Verde Hospital when I was 22! Before they had cameras and classes to de escalate situations. I only told the nurse to get arms length away from me! My Dad knows I don’t like people too close to me in crisis. The evil nurse (who I heard got fired a few years ago for giving people shots in the ass and spamming them) well she shot me with the cocktail in the ass after the security guards grabbed me so hard and threw me to the ground and sat on me pushing my chest against the flooor making it very difficult to breathe!! I was terrified and having anxiety to the extreme! I didn’t know what was going on! Thought they were trying to kill me! They dragged me into a small room to the left of the nurses station with a single plastic bed and four point soft restrained me face down! That room is still there and I’ve seen it several times since. There is a table and 2 or 4 chairs in it now. I even say there a few times to talk with doctors. But back in 2013 (2 years after 9/11) the nurse gave me another shot of the cocktail! I was screaming at her cause she was still up in my face getting enjoyment out of it! Her name was Mary Beth or something like that… a big fat evil nurse who hopefully got the karma she deserved .. which is more than just being fired of course! She let a Mexican man rape me! I was pretty much unconscious and restrained all day before my colleagues (her name used to be Beth) transported my to Kino before the crisis center.. that’s another story. But the Mexican man must have taken off my retraints on my ankles, pulled my pants down and raped me doggie style while I was unconscious! I repressed the rape part for years! But I know I had an early miscarriage cause God and my angels took my daughter cause if not, the whole world would have known I was raped … I would have had to go to trial at 22… and my Mom would have stole my baby girl ! So that obviously wasn’t God’s plan! I saw the bastard Mexican guy (who gave me my brown eyed baby girl Angel) at Cornerstone Hospital a few years ago! His name is not worth remembering. I went up to him and asked him if he was at Palo Verde in 2013! He said yes! I told him… You raped me!! He was like oh okay blah blah! I said I’ll see you in court! He said dress nice! I said you bet your ass I will!!

Do you think he ever had any idea I’d actually be able to report him and people would believe me?? Hell no he didn’t!! I may not be able to take him to court or whatever but eventually I know he will get his punishment somehow ! God is running the show and him and my Great Grandfather George will make sure he gets what he deserves!! So I know my family never believed that story! All going around saying I was bi polar and crazy and needs toxic meds and all the stigma that goes with bi-polar!! But I’m finally going to be able to help prove that bi-polar comes from trauma and there are a lot of better ways to treat it and work through it instead of being drugged out with toxic meds and the meds masks everything you are trying to feel and process!! So like I said in the beginning! I need my sister! She can process this! I went to sleep for a couple hours cause I was so drained and exhausted but God and Grams woke me up to go give my sister a hug and tell her I need her! She said of course she is always here for me but I said some mean things! My trauma brain gets confused especially when all of the family handles my mental illness differently and treat each other bad. Marissa is horrible and Vanessa finally snapped at her, My Dad didn’t like my Aunt Val for awhile, my sis talks bad about Val, Val talks bad about her… Val didn’t remember a couple shitty things she said to me in the past … you’ll never have a daughter (and I was only about 32 or so soon after my divorce) and you don’t deserve your dog! After my cousin took in Dexter for me when I stayed in the hospital too long cause the asshole psych doc forced me to take lithium then had to be court ordered to take lithium! Lost my job at the TMC covid center (Did not get my covid shot but got a card) .. but then I was blessed with mental disability, a really good part time job at a law firm till it wasn’t. I’ve had time to slow down my life and take care of myself! Psychiatrist, therapist, AA for 18 months , AA sponsor… nice house, reliable nice car, amazing dog! So now I’m ready to go full force and take on the World and make it a safer place!! I still can’t believe this is real life but it is! I always knew I went through what I went through for a purpose! I’ve always been so spiritual and feel all the people in my life who have died (most of them young)… this tattoo on my right forearm.. my first color tattoo for my Grams and the most meaningful tattoo I’ve had keeps reminding me this is real life .. it feels like a burn still that I’ve been treating! It’s finally healing! But I keep grabbing my arm so tight and that’s all my angels… grandparents, Bad ass Great Grams Lili who was a bad ass madem in Wisconsin, Ryan, Adam, Aunt Kiki, Joe Stone, Great Aunt Nona, Roger Tamietti , Don Wood, my step brother Ron … freaking Robin Williams.. everyone who died in 9/11, Dave Seymour, Brian Kelly,