Just Have Faith in Me

I honestly don’t care what anyone’s religion is… God, Jesus, Jewish, Budist, Atheist, Agnotic! All I wanted is for my family to have faith in me! I’ve been so successful in my life and even after having to start all over after a divorce.. I fought so hard to stay alive and to have purpose! My number one purpose has always been my nephews and neices! I love them so much! But luckily I have a nice home to live in (thanks to my Dad, Step Mom, and Uncle Scotty). It’s okay to ask for help sometimes. People don’t realize how hard it was for me to need help! I didn’t know where I was going to live after I had to foreclose on my house a year after my divorce! I loved my Grams so much and she took such good care of me while I grieved my ex husband and the life I gave up for him! I remember going apartment hunting with my Grams but even back then with no secure career, I couldn’t really afford a nice apartment plus utilities plus a car etc! My Dad was so awesome tho and bought me a used silver Pathfinder! Even though it was summer and hot as balls and no AC for a bit, I loved it! He paid for someone to fix the seat that was torn up! I think a lot of people including my sister on her high horse thinking she’s better and more successful than everyone cause she’s an RN! But she and a lot of people thought I was spoiled! In a way, I was pretty spoiled but I’d like to use the word supported! My Dad just lost his brother to drugging and drinking and suicide (some will argue that), and my Dad has seen me go through mental health crisis since I was 16 years old! So he knew how important it was for me to feel safe and independent in a house! I fixed it up and made it my own! He also helped with projects like new windows in my library (Aka AZ Room). I conquered my fear of mice and cockroaches and in my last house scorpions! I freaking hate mice and think they are disgusting despite having them as pets when we were kids! We also had a mouse graveyard and picked up tarantulas no problem! Kids can be fearless and also it’s just such a huge difference between a cute little black and white one from the store in a cage, and a gross grey one from out in the wild in your kitchen cabinet!! But anyway, would it be nice to have a man for stuff like that!? Hell yes! My ex husband made me kill the scorpions and the guy I just briefly dated was terrified of mice! I would love a man who has no fear and isn’t afraid to protect his woman! I know I found him tho and am excited to build an amazing friendship while we both continue to work on our issues and focus on our sobriety! But he gave me an idea to go to the mall today! If the women and men in my life don’t have faith in me to be super successful … not one of them could just say “I’m proud of you!” Well I take that back my bro said he is proud of me and my Dad is too but my Dad and most people in my family still just think I’m crazy, going too fast, and need professional help .. which again.. I already have! And I’ve always been a bad ass who liked to get shit done! I text them all… It’s seriously been only 3 weeks and 3 days since I got fired, got an interview, kicked a shitty man to the curb before that, gave Mom my Mom a Farrell hug, gift and dinner for her bday, went to mental hospital for 8 nights, missed my nieces 5th b day and party, had emergency therapy appt, established with a new awesome psychiatrist, have an LLC Stefanie’s Safe Space on Google, a website with a blog, an official sticker for my car for my foundation ( thanks to a business who randomly sent it cause I was asking for help .. I’ll look up the name of the company later, a clean safe house, got a bad ass job 12-4pm.. I negotiated pay, hours, and start date. I start 9/23! I think I accomplished quite a bit! And scheduled a healing intervention for all the women and kids who I love and need in my life! I also got rid of 3 toxic friends and got 18 months sobriety today! Mike drop! I got this! I got you! Time for some family cruises to Hawaii and shit!! I will be on the news in a week or in my first "safe space" that will probably go to Emma and her baby!! Will be on Christian radio 104.1 based in Tucson soon! Also have my city mental health court on 10/3! Got a bad ass color tattoo for my Grams for only $200 !! Got an awesome roommate 1 week before I got fired who is a prison guard, makes me feel safe and has been helping with bills! I think I'm missing something but sounds pretty bad ass right!!! I think so!

And not a single one of them replied to that! (I did not text to my Mother) cause if anything, she’d be obsessed with my money! I already for a second told her on her b day I’d buy her our childhood house! She was so excited ! But she 100% does not deserve that house! I will buy it for my foundation and/or halfway house!! When I visioned winning the lottery, I really did want to take my family on cruises and help them with houses and shit! But I also did wonder if they would do the same for me and the answer is definetely NO!

But my little 22 year old sis turned out great and sweet and is an amazing Mom to her baby girl. I’ll definetley help her get a nice home sometime soon! But despite most of the family thinking I’m crazy and spending money I don’t have! They don’t know my financials though! I have money and a few sources of income! But I was inspired by my new friend to go to the mall tonight! Bought my nephews Nikes that will hopefully fit! And if not I’ll give them the receipt to exchange them! They have faith in my success.. I know it! Had an amazing day with my almost 13 yr old nephew a few days ago. Took him to church, had good conversation, I prayed for him and we bet each other whoever earns a million dollars first will take the other on a vacation! He will be so successful and so will my almost 16 year old nephew .. I know they will and I wish I had a good day with my oldest nephew recently but he doesn’t have to tell me for me to know how much he loves me and how proud of me he is! I did an April Fools joke on him a couple years ago and said I was moving back to New York! He cried so hard it broke my heart. So it definetley will make me super sad if my sister keeps me from his HS graduation! I wore my black Mica Mountain shirt most of the day until I was triggered when I saw his handsome grown up football pictures!! Hopefully he can maybe send me one! Turned out so good! So I had anxiety and had to get out of the house. I went to the 4pm AA meeting but there was a big celebration of life for a Harley guy and Harley’s all over. Went into the media room for meeting but had to leave after about 15 minutes cause that’s when I realized I was not going to be able to see my nephews and nieces again. My two oldest nephews will maybe become resentfulnl to their Mom for keeping them from me but that’s her issue cause as she said.. they are her kids and not mine. I’ve loved them like they are my own though and wish I could have protected them from everything. I tried 4 years ago but I was court ordered to treatment. Well I hope they like their new Nike shoes! I’ll prob just drop them off at the offices at their schools or on their front porch! 🩵🩵🙏🏻🙏🏻