My Truth

Hello! I started an outline last night after going to the gym to swim laps/ do my own water aerobics and then relaxed in the jacuzzi. I will not stress it enough that sleep is so important for overall mental health and a good friend reminded me recently that working out in the evening will help with sleep. It did..on top of the sleeping meds I took. I really needed to make sure I slept well. I do not recommend taking a combination of your own sleep meds like I was talking about in my last post. It is important to talk to a psychiatrist or PCP if you really need help sleeping. I am definitely not claiming to be a professional in any way. I am only sharing my story and my truth! When I chose the title last night.. My Truth, I did not know exactly what I was going to write about. I plan on telling my truth of my whole life so if that means people think I am talking bad about them or their feelings get hurt, I am sorry but not sorry. I actually emailed my ex husband this morning and advised him that I am finally moving forward with my own foundation. I told him he does not owe me anything and I don’t need him obviously, but it would be so cool if he would donate once I have my 501c3, because he is super successful. I told him congrats on his 3 boys (we wanted a girl! lol). I told him I will respect his wishes of not using his real name but I will be sharing my marriage and divorce because it was part of my journey. We do not talk at all and he blocked me on Facebook a long time ago. He is still in another state. I will talk more about that later. But also, when I always thought about writing my story… I knew it would be hard to write about my Mom. I will not say anything more about it now, but just that she advised me to only share the good and not the bad. But in order for me to help people, I have to share my whole story and that includes the times I did not feel empathy and support from my Mom. I know she is probably reading this and I hope she is because she wants to support me and not just because she wants to make sure I am not talking bad about her or going into crisis. I feel so good and I text my Mom and my Dad today. I text my sister the other day to tell her I feel the signs of going into crisis and of course she talked to my Mom and my Mom text my roommate and my Dad which is just annoying to me, but they are all just worried about me. I told them all to please not talk about me behind my back. If they want to know how I am doing, they can ask me directly. My sister, altough she talked to my Mom which is fine, did tell me she loves me and if I ever need to talk or come over her phone is on and her door is open. She said she is proud of me for recognizing the signs. She told me to stay strong and utilize my coping skills. She said she loves me so much! That text meant so much to me! I know I am good and will be so good. This time just feels so different, because I finally have so many coping skills and so much support. My Mom also told me to let me know if I need anything at all and that she loves me. I appreciate her saying that and being there for me. I told her that she can support me and my foundation or give me space. Last year when I was in crisis I was so happy and surprised when she was actually supporting me the way I needed her to, and I think it was even her idea to use the owl in my logo. But that didn’t last long, because when I went into full mode crisis and was hospitalized she told the doctor and the judge that I am crazy and bi-polar because I said I was going to have a million dollars. Ummm..actually I am going to be so much more successful than most millionaires because I am going to be successful from the ground up and mostly all on my own. It isn’t even about the money for me. Sure, I am excited to be successful and have money ….but first I just want to get my foundation going. I do not plan on taking any kind of salary until my foundation and facility has been up and running for at least a year. My Dad’s response to my text was his standard emojis .. Smiley face with sunglasses, Heart, and Smiley face (which is actually usually a thumbs up). I did not need any other response tho. It is cool. That is his way of letting me know he supports me and loves me. I just do not want my family to worry about me. I have come way to far to need my “go bag” for the hospital. Sometimes I needed the hospital but it is brutal. The doctors there for some reason will not let you leave until you take 2 certain medications which I hate. I will not say which ones, because I do not want anyone who is taking them to think they need to stop taking them right away. I am weaning off of it with a psychiatrist and am already on a better medication for me. I still would like to get off court ordered treatment soon and be able to have a psychiatrist who will have more than 15 min a month and won’t just base their treatment and medication by the notes from the horrible doctor in the hospital … I like to call her Dr. RBF (Resting Bitch Face). I will disclose her full name at some point, because I think she is awful and would love to put a formal complaint against her once I am a little more succeful. But in the meantime, I just advise anyone who is taking psych meds to advocate for yourself and get a second opinion if needed! Okay like I said, I was not sure what I was going to write when I chose the topic, My Truth, but I think I did a pretty good job. Have a blessed day everyone. I am excited for my 5 days off of work after today. Also, excited for trivia tonight! This job is just so amazing. I literally have a 2 hour break with no client or therpaists but I have to be here to answer the phone that doesn’t ring very often cause most of our clients schedule and cancel online!