One Call Away -

“ When you feel life is hopeless and unfair, remember there are friends out there that are only one call away!” - Heather Jade Wyler

Check out my YouTube channel I did a few years ago called, “Ending The Stigma with Stef” ..My amazing sister of God..Fairy God sister Heather and I did a video together called “One Call Away”! I am watching my introduction video now. I just got off the phone with my amazing friend and sister Heather!! I had one of the worst and best days today!

I woke up this morning at 2am crying and then this morning at about 5:30am, I found an amazing letter I forgot I wrote:

Stefanie Wertz

164 Town View Drive.

Wappingers Falls, NY 12590

(520) 304- 9386 (not my number now)

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

Science Writing, Press, and Dissemination Branch

6001 Executive Boulevard, Room 8184, MSC 9663

Bethesda, MD 20892-9663

Dear NIMH,

My name is Stefanie Wertz. I am 30 years old and have struggled with Bi-Polar Type 1 since I was 16. I was hospitalized about 8 times throughout my life, but each time I had other circumstances in my life such as diet pills, anti-depressant pills, and other emotional and physical stressors that lead me to believe my delusional manic episodes were not caused from having Bi-Polar. It was not until four years ago that I came to terms with the fact that I will need medication for Bi-polar for probably the rest of my life.

I have so many detailed stories, experiences, and concerns with the mental health system that I don’t know where to start. One of my biggest concerns is that people who are labeled as Bi-polar are not treated with the respect they deserve. There are people in the Mental Health system who are caring and compassionate, but I found that in the hospitals there were a lot of people who were rude, judgmental, and disrespectful. Most of my experiences were in Tucson, AZ and the last time was in NY just recently in June 2011. I have found that no matter what hospital and in what state I was in, I had to be my own advocate. The doctors never seem to have respect, compassion, and especially time. The doctors in these hospitals usually only take about 5 minutes to talk to a patient. Based on that short amount of time they always jumped to diagnose me with bi-polar and shoved as much medications as possible down my throat. They would just give me a combination of medications and hope that it worked. They didn’t seem to care about any of the bad side effects that I had in the process.

Whenever I had to go into the hospital I was definitely in bad shape and needed help, but I believe that therapy, soothing activities, and being around other people could even help more than all drugs. Unfortunately even now the hospitals don’t have enough recourses for the therapy patients need.

The last time I was hospitalized in Tucson was 4 years ago. I remember they were just starting to take classes and began programs to keep a patient going through a psychotic crisis calm without having to use physical force. I still remember a tech grabbing me from behind and holding my arms back like he was police officer. But before that I remember several times when staff would restrain me. It is an awful experience to be tied down when you are feeling anxious and manic. One particular time the nurse was in my face. I was not threatening anyone or myself but I was scared, crying and screaming. She had security come and they knocked me to the ground, and these big guys out pressure on my back, pushing my chest against the floor so I was having trouble breathing. The nurse gave me a shot and then they restrained me face down on a bed. I was passed out all day and when I woke up it was dark, and the nurse had me transferred to another more acute hospital. I knew the ambulance crew who transported me, because at the time and for 8 years I worked for the ambulance company as an EMT.

The last time I was hospitilized in NY, I had more experience and knowledge of my disorder. I was in the hospital for 2 and a half weeks and in that time only had 2 delusional manic episodes. For the most part I knew exactyky what was going on with me. I was only able to talk with the doctor one time. I had to take whatever bad medications he prescribed, because he didn’t have time to talk to me about my own wellness plan and not taking medication is being non compliant an extends your hospital stay.

It is very sad the little or no respect Bi-polar patients receive. After the last hospitilixation I researched Bi-polar more and was happy to find that there are thousands of books, several associations, foundations, and the magazine to help myself and other people with bi-polar and family and friends of those with Bi-polar. I really want to use my experiences, struggles, and concerns to be a public advocate and speaker as soon as possible. In the meantime I am just living one day at a time and want people to know it’s okay to ask for help.

Thank you for your time,

Stefanie Wertz

164 Town View Dr.

Wappingers Falls, NY 12590

(520) 304-9386

Isn’t that so bad ass?!! I am so impressed with my 30 year old self. I am even more impressed with my 43 year old self who is making her dream a Fucking reality!

I HAVE A VISION!! MLK had a DREAM! I HAVE A VISION!!

Went to the ER but am home now writing and getting ready for AA at 6:30am and then work 845am-6pm and then AA.