Spirituality

Good Morning! I got my 3 year sobriety chip at the 5:30pm meeting last night! I’m so excited and proud of myself. There were points in my life where I thought I would never get a year sobriety and especially not 3 years. My BFF Julie came to the meeting with me to support me and celebrate me. She is so amazing! I love my AA meetings. In the past I had stopped going for months at a time, and I definitely feel so much better when I am going to meetings. The daily reflection was so good yesterday: A WORLD OF THE SPIRIT. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. Is should continue for our lifetime. -Alcoholics Anonymous, p.84. And it continues to say: The word “entered”…and the phrase “entered into the world of the Spirit” are very significant. They imply action, a beginning, getting into, a prerequisite to maintaining my spiritual growth, the “Spirit” being the immaterial part of me. Barriers to my spiritual growth are self-centeredness and a materialistic focus on worldly things. Spirituality means devotion of spiritual instead of worldly things, it means obedience to God’s will for me. I understand spiritual things to be: unconditional love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control and humility. Any time I allow selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear to be a part of me, I block out spiritual things. As I maintain my sobriety, growing spiritually becomes a lifelong process. My goal is spiritual growth, accepting that I’ll never have spiritual perfection.

I love all of that. I lost faith in God over the years off and on. I think when I tried to take my own life last October, I believed in Him, but didn’t think He could help to make my life better. I lost faith in what He can do. I didn’t feel God or my angels when I was in the hospital after I was extubated. But of course they were there. I started feeling my angels and God a lot about a month and a half ago. I lost my good friend Joe from my EMS days in a booming in Eukraine when he was working as a paramedic and that was on my birthday April 23rd about 9 years ago. My step sisters husband took his own life about 7 years ago and he had my same birthday. I lost my cousin Adam when he was 33 to drugs. The pain doctor just kept giving him an insane amount of pills. He just kept taking too many until he did not wake up one morning. He was so amazing! Great laugh, super smart, just an all around cool guy! He was on Who wants to be a Millionaire and also Wheel of Fortune. He next goal was Jeopardy, but he passed away before he could do that. I lost my other cousin a couple years ago. He had issues with drugs but also had PTSD that got worse when he saw his brother dead. Ryan was a good guy though with a big heart. I miss him and wish I didn’t judge him as much as I did. I have 2 EMS friends who took their own lives..Dave and Brian. Lost my Aunt Kiki when I was 26 years old. My Uncle took his own life about 13 years ago. I have all my grandparents as angels and even my great grandparents and Great Aunts. I just need to not lose this feeling. I have seen so many signs..butterfly’s, license plates, angel numbers, a pigeon, VW vans that remind me of my cousin Adam cause he used to have one. So I have a lot of angels and can feel angels with me! I can even feel people I did not know personally. Like as I write this I feel Robbin Williams. I know that sounds crazy but I do. I once in awhile will feel all the people who died in 9/11. I have a lot of support for creating my own non profit foiundation. Once I get my 501(c)(3), I may look into talking to the news again. I wrote previously that I had a meeting with the News but then I went into the hospital. I will get my foundation out there and before I know it, famous people should be donating! I need donations and grants before I can open my facility. But I have this website that explains my purpose and mission statement. So people can look at that and also will be easier to get donations once it is a legit non profit foundation. I already have my friend Julie who wants to volunteer to be the arts and crafts coordinator or whatever her title would be. She is so good with arts and crafts. I will need to get a President, Secretary, and Treasurer for my board. I will be the CEO/Founder and don’t think I can be President too, but I will figure it out. My idea is so huge and something we don’t have in Arizona or not sure anywhere in the US. People who come to my facility will not have to have AHCCCS insurance. I will not be billing insurances. It will all be from donations and grants like NAMI. People who don’t qualify for AHCCCS can come to my facility when they are stressed or have anxiety or have just been depressed and/or having a bad day. I hope I can get a big enough facility for all my ideas. Music therapy, movie room, diamond art, arts and crafts, scrapbooking, nutrition classes in a big kitchen, workout classes and yoga, etc. I am just really excited but trying to stay humble. I will hopefully have a 501(c)(3) in about 6 months or at least start the process. Maybe a year but we will see. I think I can do it sooner than a year.Thanks for all who are reading my blogs and supporting me.