White Butterfly’s

Today is Sunday and I started my day with church at 10am. I decided to go back to Calvery. I’ve been going to Pantano Christian and have liked the pastor, but I think he is in a way too laid back if that makes sense. I used to really like Robert at Calvery and decided to go back today and I am glad I did. It was a really good service named What it really means to walk with Jesus or something like that. Two nice ladies sat next to me and introduced themselves to me. I saw another sweet lady I know and I went and said hi quick. When she asked me what I was up to, I let her know it’s been a rough couple months and I tried to take my own life in October and was intubated a week. I told her I am just trying to look for a part time job now. I don’t know why I didn’t think to tell her I am good now and blogging again and have my own website and LLC and will be working on having my own non profit foundation. Oh well tho, but from now on that is what I will tell people when they ask me how I am doing. The more I talk about it, the more I can manifest it. After church I went to get my car washed and then went to Bubbe’s to get an everything bagel with lavender honey cream cheese. The line was so long and a lot of people were still waiting for their orders. I saw a Girl Scout booth set up outside and decided to get 2 boxes of cookies instead. I love supporting them and my diet does not start till Friday so what the heck. I got my favorites Samoas and a box of the new adventurefuls which the Girl Scout recommended. I went home and was going to clean my kicythen and bedroom but decided to start reading a Recovery Bible book a friend got me for my birthday last year. I haven’t looked at it yet, but thought it was a good time to finally start. I have been debating on getting an AA sponsor and working the steps or not. Yesterday before the 530pm meeting a good friend who is knowledgeable about the AA Big Book sat down with me for a couple hours and went over the book. Mostly step 1, 2, 3, 10, and 11.. My friend at the 530pm meeting told me about a women’s AA meeting at 1pm on Sunday and I thought about going to that. But after I got home today and changed into my pajamas and was reading the Recovery Bible, I decided not to go. I just wanted to go to the 530pm meeting. I have a bag of clothes donated from my cousin who a friend at AA is interested in looking through. But as I was thinking about if I want to get a sponsor and work the steps I read Make Time - Job 33:33 (Which is an angel number). And it was telling me to make time for AA, a sponsor, and the steps and make it my job. The guy who helped me with the Big Book yesterday said he makes it his job to go to the 5:30-6:30pm meeting everyday. So reading that felt like my sign to go to the women’s meeting. I had just enough time to change and head there. It ended up being a speaker meeting which was great. A woman who had about 15 years sobriety spoke for about 45 minutes. At the end of the meeting they had everyone raise their hand who are available to sponsor. There was only a few. One woman I know and considered asking. But I am going to take my time deciding. I am going to try to go to a few more meetings. There are women’s meetings everyday at the Eastside Meeting Place at 3:30pm. The are women’s tea meetings where I believe they serve tea. When I was coming home from AA I stopped at Jack in the Box for tacos cause like I said my diet starts soon and I need to get serious. I haven’t even weighed myself in a few days. I am worried I gained a couple pounds recently but it’s okay cause I am going to do Diet of Hope soon. As I was still thinking about if I should get a sponsor and work the steps and was making a U turn to get to my house, I saw 2 white angel butterflies! I think that is probably a sign from God that I need to do it. I need to fully give myself to the AA program. Everyone says you feel so amazing once you work all the steps. The 4th step is just hard sometimes. I am hoping I can find a sponsor who will just go a little slow with me. I am grateful for my sobriety and am grateful for AA. It would be nice to have a sponsor. I have tried sponsors before and it just didn’t workout for different reasons, but probably just cause I did not want to do the work. I am going back to the 530pm meeting today. I am wearing my Stefanie’s Safe Space shirt with my bad ass owl logo. Can’t wait to get more shirts, hats, stickers, car decals made soon but I am waiting till I have a part tim job. The print shop still has about 15-20 black shirts I gave them to have done but they have not done them yet. I did put some business cards in my purse today. The one with the owl (but before I had my personal one made like my tattoo with blue eyes like my Grams) and it was after I got my LLC so that is printed on the card. I can’t sponsor anyone, but I can be a friend to the newcomer at AA and can answer texts and calls and be there for people.