I created this group for everyone to come together and support each other! I have struggled with mental illness a lot the last 27 years and have had some very dark hard times and felt all alone. I felt all alone especially when I was in the hospital surrounded by professionals. I felt all alone knowing I had a lot of loving family members and friends! I wanted to end my life so many times, but I’m so glad I held on and stayed strong!! I’ve lost too many friends to suicide ..

Tomorrow I have a court date at Tucson City Criminal Court! If the 25 year old cop shows up, I’d seriously be shocked if the judge “convicts” me or has me take classes or any kind of punishment! I have so much respect for cops and called them Monday night because I felt unsafe, scared, and had PTSD scary thoughts! I called them on my way home, because I felt my Gramps Fritz Chief Rhyner with me so strong and just had a feeling something really bad was happening at my house! W

If anyone was worried about me or wondering why I haven’t posted in 8 days, it’s because I had a few bad stressors/triggers that led me into crisis! I had to call the crisis line Sunday night and then Monday and Tuesday I had to call 911! The cops took me to Palo Verde Mental Hospital (they kindly respected my request to not go to the CRC, handcuffed me in the front and were super nice)! I was finally discharged today after 8 nights, and one of my BFF’s picked me up and we m

I had a rough day yesterday but was so blessed to see my 7 year old nephew play baseball at the Purple Heart Park yesterday at 3:15pm. His team is the Cubbies so I was so excited to wear my royal blue Cubs hat with rhinestones on the red C! I was beyond excited for him when he hit a ball so far and got to third base! And I was so so blessed to see my 2 - 5 year old nieces. One of them turned 5 last Aug and the other the day I got out of the hospital 4/10. They were dressed i

A massage therapist asked me what triggered my trauma (aka SMI - Severe Mental Illness). I have been suiting up and showing up my whole life. First of all, that’s a personal and inappropriate question and second of all… mental illness is the number one silent killer! Taking a break for a second to do my make up!! This post is also on my Facebook cause it is so important! Probably worse than cancer, because people can beat cancer now! It is hard to completely overcome and cure

“ When you feel life is hopeless and unfair, remember there are friends out there that are only one call away!” - Heather Jade Wyler...

Well, it is 1:43am now and I am wide awake. Just proof read and edited my last blog. After my lavender bath, I went to lay down. I...

Alight, once again I had a very busy day! I am going to start from now and go backwards. I will not stress SELF CARE enough. I got home from Sonic after almost forgetting to get dinner again. I made a U turn and went to Sonic again. I ordered a medium mozzarella sticks, medium tater tots, and a medium ocean water. I need to drink more water especially before my 90 minute birthday massage tomorrow. My feet are so fat and swollen and it’s really driving me “crazy”. I see a PCP

I am back to work for my second and last shift of the week. I am happy to be here and it’s so nice seeing another therapist who works here on Wed, Fri, and Sundays! I was kind of dreading folding the 4 huge bags of laundry, because my back is fucked up, but I also kind of feel like I got hit by a train! My manager’s brother helped fold though last night which was so amazing and helpful..I can still be friendly and outgoing but inside I feel so emotionally drained. I took slee

This job is just so fucking awesome!! It’s like an office for my foundation and I get paid! It’s a healing center for people! I work at Right Touch Massage Therapy! Come treat yourself. The owner Fred also owns Tucson Touch Therapy up the street where they have more rooms, services, and therapists. Both offices are super close to Pima Alano Club where I attend AA meetings. My 90 minute massage is Saturday. Forgot that I work Easter Sunday so I can have my birthday week off

It is now 4:51am. I slept from about 9/930-12:30am which is enough to get through the super chill day of work. The worst thing I will have to do is fold twin sheets and towels but even though I dreaded it at first, it is very therapeutic. I can jam out to my music cause most days we don’t have clients till 10am, and I also have a wireless ear pod or air pod or whatever the fuck it is called. I may not have to fold sheets till my second and last shift of the week on Wednesday

The google definition of Bliss is: Perfect happiness; great joy! That was definitely my day today. I started my “morning” by calling my Mom. I don’t know why I called her. I was so confused. She is an RN and has been for over 45 years, and I had taken my prescribed sleep meds. She assured me that it was not morning. In fact, it was only 9:30pm!! Has anyone ever done that before?! I know my sister did once when we were kids. She jumped in the shower for school and we were lau

Hey everyone! It is 12:54am and I just got home from driving all the way around the city. At about 9/930pm, I took the same sleep meds I took 2 nights ago, but instead of sleeping 9pm-6:30am, I only slept about 3 hours. I do need to go back up to 2mg instead of 1mg on one of the meds. Tonight, I just got in my car, put Christian radio on, and went up Kolb Road south to the freeway….i10 west and went all the way to Ina where my cousin lives. Drove by her house to see if she wa

Yesterday was such an amazing day. I felt so blessed all day and was guided minute by minute by my angels. I only slept the night before for about 1.5-2 hours after taking benedryl, but then was up all night and day. I started my day at a beautiful meeting at AA on the potio. It was so nice to see so many familiar faces and friends. The birds chirping was so peaceful. It was a great meeting, I took notes the whole time. I then went to have breakfast at Poco and Mom’s on the p

Today at about 12pm, my Aunt Val picked me up from the hospital after my long 12 night stay. My brain was going too fast and I was trying to process so much trauma. My brain was on overload. I had got home from AA Saturday 3/29 and finally realized I needed more help. I still did not want to go to the hospital, but deep down, I knew I needed help. I called 911 and after the woman 911 operator hung up on me, I was so pissed! I was in pajama shorts, a tank top, and no bra or un

God woke me up at about 6am today. My phone was turned off. I got ready and went to AA. I usually make my own coffee at home and bring my mug with coffee, but this time I only had time to get dressed, grab my stuff and head out the door. I love the mornings! I put on Christian Radio and when I got about half way there, I stopped at a red light. A homeless man cut across a lane (no cars were coming) and he walked up to my window. I rolled my window down and told him that God w

I could not decide on a title, because today was all about Faith and Serenity!! I am going hour by hour with my coping skills, self care, and tasks and orders straight from God. I started my day at 2am. I had a psychiatrist appt yesterday at 4pm but for a lack of a better word…he’s kind of a douchebag! I am not going to get into details of our 15 min FaceTime. I finally said, if you aren’t coming into the office, I am not going to either. I am sometimes bad with technology so

So I am up in the middle of the night and not able to sleep. I know I need to sleep but after trivia I took a hot shower and sleep meds that I thought for sure would work. I have been on a Christian radio kick and it has really been helping. But after I washed my face and brushed my teeth and got in bed with the lights out I started having some trauma flashbacks. It is so clear to me now what happened to me when I was a child. I need to process still and talk with my psychiat

Okay I am going to write another blog cause I still have about 45 minutes until another client checks in. My blogs are going to be completely out of order as far as my life timeline. My story from when I was 16 is probably too long for just one blog so I will just start with a little bit though. When I was 16 years old I was just a “normal” teenager. My Dad took me to get my license the morning I turned 16, I had a hand me down from my bro ..white Buick century with red velve

Hello! I started an outline last night after going to the gym to swim laps/ do my own water aerobics and then relaxed in the jacuzzi. I will not stress it enough that sleep is so important for overall mental health and a good friend reminded me recently that working out in the evening will help with sleep. It did..on top of the sleeping meds I took. I really needed to make sure I slept well. I do not recommend taking a combination of your own sleep meds like I was talking abo