Yesterday was such an amazing day. I felt so blessed all day and was guided minute by minute by my angels. I only slept the night before for about 1.5-2 hours after taking benedryl, but then was up all night and day. I started my day at a beautiful meeting at AA on the potio. It was so nice to see so many familiar faces and friends. The birds chirping was so peaceful. It was a great meeting, I took notes the whole time. I then went to have breakfast at Poco and Mom’s on the p

Today at about 12pm, my Aunt Val picked me up from the hospital after my long 12 night stay. My brain was going too fast and I was trying to process so much trauma. My brain was on overload. I had got home from AA Saturday 3/29 and finally realized I needed more help. I still did not want to go to the hospital, but deep down, I knew I needed help. I called 911 and after the woman 911 operator hung up on me, I was so pissed! I was in pajama shorts, a tank top, and no bra or un

God woke me up at about 6am today. My phone was turned off. I got ready and went to AA. I usually make my own coffee at home and bring my mug with coffee, but this time I only had time to get dressed, grab my stuff and head out the door. I love the mornings! I put on Christian Radio and when I got about half way there, I stopped at a red light. A homeless man cut across a lane (no cars were coming) and he walked up to my window. I rolled my window down and told him that God w

I could not decide on a title, because today was all about Faith and Serenity!! I am going hour by hour with my coping skills, self care, and tasks and orders straight from God. I started my day at 2am. I had a psychiatrist appt yesterday at 4pm but for a lack of a better word…he’s kind of a douchebag! I am not going to get into details of our 15 min FaceTime. I finally said, if you aren’t coming into the office, I am not going to either. I am sometimes bad with technology so

So I am up in the middle of the night and not able to sleep. I know I need to sleep but after trivia I took a hot shower and sleep meds that I thought for sure would work. I have been on a Christian radio kick and it has really been helping. But after I washed my face and brushed my teeth and got in bed with the lights out I started having some trauma flashbacks. It is so clear to me now what happened to me when I was a child. I need to process still and talk with my psychiat

Okay I am going to write another blog cause I still have about 45 minutes until another client checks in. My blogs are going to be completely out of order as far as my life timeline. My story from when I was 16 is probably too long for just one blog so I will just start with a little bit though. When I was 16 years old I was just a “normal” teenager. My Dad took me to get my license the morning I turned 16, I had a hand me down from my bro ..white Buick century with red velve

Hello! I started an outline last night after going to the gym to swim laps/ do my own water aerobics and then relaxed in the jacuzzi. I will not stress it enough that sleep is so important for overall mental health and a good friend reminded me recently that working out in the evening will help with sleep. It did..on top of the sleeping meds I took. I really needed to make sure I slept well. I do not recommend taking a combination of your own sleep meds like I was talking abo

I love that we can always have a fresh start. Every day can be a fresh start! We can make every day better than yesterday! I am so blessed to have a new job that I love and is perfect for me. It is my fresh start! It took me about 3 or 4 months to find. This job was truly meant to be. I work the front office at a massage therapy office. I have opening duties and closing duties and have to fold sheets once a week, but other than that..in between checking clients in and out, I

Hi! I am back and ready to get serious about starting my non profit foundation. When I started this website last year I was going through what doctors call “manic episodes”. Personally, I hate that word. It is so stigmatized and when people hear that word, they hear bi-polar and crazy! I am still not 100% accepting the diagnosis bi-polar and my current psychiatrist who is court ordered and only talks to me 15 minutes a month can go F himself! The brain is such a “crazy” thing

I will not let anyone hold me back from having my dreams happen!! I will not let some stupid gross medication hold me back! Fuck that! I am doing this!! I have been laying down and song after song that has come on have been so motivating!! Now it is After a Few…which of course I do not need! I do not need alcohol to motivate me to do anything. Being sober is so amazing! I am unstoppable! But the song on now is Miss Summer and the song that was on to get me to jump out of bed

Ugh I just don’t even know how to feel. I deleted a couple blogs about my niece. I am sad that my nephews don’t want to talk to me. I thought going to the 530pm AA meeting would help. I did see someone who I hadn’t seen in awhile, but I still feel depressed and alone and cried on my way home as I listened to 104.1 Christian radio. I did see my 44 and 333 today at the gas pump and I know my angels are still with me of course. But after being in Palo Verde Behavioral Healh Hosp

Well that was not my best last couple of months! Processig trauma is hard. Processing trauma nobody ever believed happened is even...

Blue October will hopefully do a charity event for me! The most inspiring concert ever!! I loved it so much! Went with my sister cause that was our thing when we drove up to SanDiego after I bought my new 2006 mustang convertible car and stayed on a boat! She doesn’t understand mental illness though like I do and the lead singer and whole band of Blue October! I gave my phone to God when my sis was on the phone with me and I was knee deep in my pants in the ocean a few years

I don’t need a $100,000 scratcher ticket to get a new car! I have always bought new cars on my own. Went to a great AA meeting this morning… a guy named Jason in a bright orange shirt said he got out of rehab, got a check and wanted a little meth but was robbed! In that moment my cousin Ryan hugged me so hard (I hugged myself for him)…got up and hugged him and told him he is loved and that my cousin did meth and died at 44. He said he is 45! I said you are going to be good! I

Ordered these yesterday! Only 200 cause next batch will have my business number and also the owl needs Blue eyes like my Grams!!

I went to Disneyland by myself on my bday this year …4/23 and before and after I went to San Diego by myself. It was so amazing! I love my ‘me trips”. My Mother is planning a Disneyland trip for the family this Thanksgiving. My oldest nephew cried so hard when I April Fools Day’d him and said I was moving back to NY. I just want them both to know….I will be taking you both on a vacay ASAP in my convertible Mercedes to San Diego and Disneyland for as many days as we can! Maybe

Omg I am so excited!! I went down to QT to get 2 lighters for my indica joint and got skittles and asked the dude to randomly pick 2 $5 scratcher tickets! Got home and lost the first one, but the crossword I kept getting words and the last word was OWL for my Grams’ Joyce!! I just won $100,080.00!! I will be able to have my Pretty Woman moment sooner than I thought and buy that white convertible 450 Mercedes with beautiful white/cream leather interior from David …not Mark.. o

Family support is so important. I grew up so close to my whole family. They love me so much but it is hard for them and me when I go through crisis. I liked a guy at AA who is so amazing and reminds me of my cousin Adam. He is very well spoken and genuine. We only talked a few times, but we have the same dream and both have had some pretty terrible trauma. I will not delete my Pretty Woman or Hope Floats blogs because I think they amazing, and the feelings I had were so real

I really believe getting adequate sleep for your mind and body is so important for your brain, body, and overall mental health! Last night was such a crazy and weird night! I will not be taking indica gummies to sleep anymore. I do not like the feeling of being high! But I was laughing so hard at my Dazed and Confused blog and could not even stop! My body felt warm all over and weird. My roommate came out to make sure I was okay! It was kind of embarrrasing. I only took one 1