When I was starting to clean out my office the other day, I found an envelope that I had saved from VyoletShop LLC. They do custom Vinyl Decals. I wanted to make sure to save that envelope so I could thank them. When I first started my website and blogs, I was asking on Facebook and I think on my blog if anyone could do a decal for my car. Figured there are so many women and stay at home Mom’s with a cricket who would want to help. I was willing to pay. I said eventually I wi

I wish I felt like writing. I am not really in the mood, but I am going to write anyway. I still have so many stories from when I was “manic” or in mental crisis. I really don’t like using the work manic and I really don’t like the diagnosis bi-polar. I used to not know what the heck bi-polar meant, I then for a period of time embraced my diagnosis. When I was dating I was always so scared to tell a guy I was bi-polar as it is so stigmatized and I didn’t want to get rejected

So I was trying not to say names of medications, because I don’t want people to stop taking their medications or to be concerned, but I am so frustrated. My hair is falling out so much! The doctor in the hospital the last time I went increased my depakote from 500mg to 1250mg. Hair loss is a side effect. It can also cause weight gain and increased appetite. There are more side effects. I brought myself into the hospital, because I knew I was going hypomanic and I was terrifie

I want to write a quick blog so Jail Time gets off the top 3 on my home page. It’s a must read, but I am trying to be more positive. I will write more later on this blog. I need to rest. Went to a women’s AA meeting and before that met up with my Aunt. We talked about how I tried to take my own life and she said how hard it was for her and everyone. I am thinking about it again now and just need to rest and listen to music. Be back soon! Okay sorry about that. I have a hard t

It is 1:10am Thursday morning 2/26/26. I had a busy day yesterday. I started my day with swimming laps, then came home and showered and made eggs over medium with wheat toast and guacamole salsa. I then got ready to go to an ultrasound appointment for my uterus. I had to have a full bladder which is weird. I haven’t had my period for 9 months and I recently figured out it is probably because of the antipsychotic Invega injection I have taken since last April. Heck, I am okay

I went to 2 AA meetings yesterday, the 630am and the 530pm. Today and tomorrow I am going to try to go to meetings with more women so I can try to find a sponsor. I will take my time with that though. There is also a women’s meeting on Saturday my Aunt told me about. I will talk to women and get their numbers and see how they respond and interact. But yesterday I liked the daily reflection: I try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great

So I wasn’t planning on writing about my jail time at all, because I am embarrassed about a lot of it. But the World needs to know how people with mental illness are treated in jails. I am sure it is even worse in prison. I am only giving my personal experience in a unit that was specifically for women with mental illness. Let me start with why I was arrested. Well I was arrested once before because my ex brother in law had a restartining order against me and that was just a

I don’t think I have written about this yet. I was 26 years old. My Aunt Kiki had just died and I had just gotten plastic surgery after losing 119 pounds in a year after having gastric bypass surgery. I loved my Aunt Kiki so much. I did not see hew much since she was living in Colorado (not sure how long before she died). It was very unexpectedly. She was clean and sober. I probably should not go into the details of what happened. But I was so so sad to lose her. And it was s

Today is Sunday and I started my day with church at 10am. I decided to go back to Calvery. I’ve been going to Pantano Christian and have liked the pastor, but I think he is in a way too laid back if that makes sense. I used to really like Robert at Calvery and decided to go back today and I am glad I did. It was a really good service named What it really means to walk with Jesus or something like that. Two nice ladies sat next to me and introduced themselves to me. I saw anot

I have been feeling very self conscious lately about my looks. I feel like I am ugly when I look in the mirror or take selfies. I used to think I was beautiful when I was thinner and had longer hair. I recently cut my hair to my shoulders and it was a fun change, but I miss my long hair. Lately my hair has been falling out and I am freaking out. I figured it was just stress, but one of the doctors at the hospital told me that my mood stabilizer can cause hair loss! Great! Tha

Now that I have had my meds adjusted in the hospital, I am just a little bit nervous about being on a higher dose of my mood stabilizer. It needs to be at a therapeutic level though, but last October when I tried to take my own life I was on the higher dose of mood stabilizer. I was just out of the hospital for being severely manic. I was not on an anti depressant too though, so I am hoping this time is different because I am also taking an anti depressant. I am just feeling

I have been divorced now for about 12 years and have dated some, but still have not been in a serious relationship. I was in a couple short term relationships, but never got to the point where I was in love with someone or ready to move in together or anything. Right after my divorce when I was still in crisis (mania), I was staying at my Grandma’s house because my house was still being rented out for a couple more months when I moved back from New York. I had a vision that m

I was supposed to go on an amazing Disneyland trip with my sister last Tuesday but ended up going into hypo mania. I had been crying a lot remembering that I tried to take my own life and being blessed to feel my angels and having purpose. I am getting back into writing, because I really do want to start my own foundation one day. I was really stressed out about job hunting and job interviewing. I had 5 interviews one week. I was studying interview questions like crazy especi

I read some of my most recent blogs last night and realized how crazy it was that I went from being severely manic and feeling amazing September 15th to being so depressed October 28th that I only saw one way out and that was suicide. So much has happened just between those 2 dates. I impulsively quit my job and bought a $50,000 super nice SUV with a $990 car payment I could not afford. I traded in my 2019 Jeep Cherokee to the shitty dealership who sold me a car when I was cl

I am really excited to finally get back to writing! It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I can be successful without having my own foundation. I always come out of mania and get completely discouraged with my dream. I have not written since September 2025. It is now February 1, 2026! This is going to be a great year! I feel like I was kind of off to a rocky start, but I am feeling really good right now! I have an upcoming trip with my sister to Disneyland that is going to be

I am going to have fun writing this blog. After an AA meeting last night, my friend Jake and I went to Zinburger for a really nice dinner. I had zucchini fries, a hamburger with carmelized onions, tomato, bacon, avocado, and manchego cheese. It was so yum! I also got a soda water with a splash of cranberry and lemon. I wasn’t going to get a milkshake but the milkshake of the month was butterfinger! I have been through so much the last few days and definitely deserved to treat

I just got off the phone with 988. I spoke to Ariel and she was amazing!! I am having flashbacks of being raped as a child and an adult and am doing everything I can to stay out of the hospital. Last night I went driving at 1:30am. I knew my angels and God were with me but still get a little scared walking to my car in the middle of the night as I live on a main street and random people walk by all the time. I had a really great day yesterday. It was the best day! I started t

I was really in the mood to write and now I am feeling so tired. As I start to write though I am getting in the mood! Lol.. I just got...

Ugh!! I woke up and saw a text from my Dad. He is concerned about me, because I am having signs of going into crisis. I did tell my Aunt...

Omg my angels are with me so strong! Damn, I got teary eyed writing that. I was talking to my Aunt Val on my way to work this morning on...