I am going to take a break from writing about my Mom. I think I will add to Part 2 eventually or just do one more blog. I am doing really well though considering. I feel free from my Mom and her negativity and anger issues. The other day she was so negative about my foundation. She supported my foundation for like an hour in September or October 2024, and then she told the judge that I said I was going to get a million dollars and helped get me court ordered to take Lithium.

I told you guys it would be a lot and there is still a lot. I may forget things but I will go back and edit. In all fairness to my Mom, I did talk about my brother in the last blog so it’s not exactly 2 full blogs about her but who knows this blog could end up 10 minutes. Okay so anyway, let me tell you a little bit of the phone call with my Mom last night. She said she would bet me One million dollars that I go manic and end up back in the hospital at some point! The very en

This blog is going to be a lot. I will just warn you it is a lot. It’s 2:45am right now. I slept good until now. I had a couple good dreams. One of them was about my Mom and that I am making the right decision to cut her from my life. I had another bad fight with my Mom last night at about 8pm. I can’t decide if I should write about the phone call first or just start from the beginning. I think I will start from the beginning and say for the most part, I had a great childhood

Today was a pretty good day. I took a friend to DES at 8am and figured while I was down there I would reapply for nutrition assistance. I only got $27 bucks before, but guess anything is better than nothing. Luckily we were in and out of there in about 45 minutes. I did my application while standing in line and she had already done her application. We went to Ross after to go clothes shopping. She found a couple cute shirts. I tried on pants, dresses, and shirts and did not l

Good Afternoon everyone! It is 4:17pm as I write this on a Sunday. I slept really well last night and woke up at 5:48am. I text my Aunt to see if she was awake and she was so we texted a bit. I got in a fight with my sister last night about my medications. I understand where she is coming from, because it has been so hard for her and my family to see my go through all my mental illness challenges. We were at my cousin’s house for her birthday party. Luckily this was at the en

I just got done swimming laps at the gym for an hour followed by some relaxation time in the jacuzzi. I swam laps yesterday too at 6am for 45 minutes. I cancelled my follow up with the Diet program I was doing this morning, because after the writing I did yesterday I felt like I needed to treat myself to Mod Pizza after church last night. And with that cheat meal, I still lost 4.2 pounds in a week. I can do this eating healthy and exercising thing on my own. The program I was

Here is another story from when I was in crisis. I was either 22 or 23 and was working as an EMT for Southwest Ambulance. I loved my partner. We were best friends. We hung out outside of work a lot. When we worked together we would go to Target on duty and stuff like that. We would just cruise the town sometimes in our area and listen to music and chat. I wish I could remember if this was before my trauma at the hospital when I was 22 or after when I was 23. I was hospitalize

I am so relieved that the appt with my NP psyicatruist went well. My GYN yesterday told me that all my psych medications I am taking increased my Prolactin which stopped my period for 9 months and also causes weight gain and can decrease sex drive. I am okay without a period but it is not healthy to be on all these meds. Luckily he agreed to get me off the Depakote. He just said I need to take 500mg instead of 1250mg for 2 weeks. I really don’t even want to do that, because

Like I said previously, I still have a lot of stories when I was in crisis. This was when I was 20 years old I believe. I was working at Little Caesars as a delivery driver. Also had to do dishes sometimes and make sauce in big buckets so I count this as my worst job ever. I think I already shared the story of when I was having a conversation about religion with a co worker. She was Catholic and I was Atheist. We weren’t mad at each other or anything. Just were discussing our

When I was starting to clean out my office the other day, I found an envelope that I had saved from VyoletShop LLC. They do custom Vinyl Decals. I wanted to make sure to save that envelope so I could thank them. When I first started my website and blogs, I was asking on Facebook and I think on my blog if anyone could do a decal for my car. Figured there are so many women and stay at home Mom’s with a cricket who would want to help. I was willing to pay. I said eventually I wi

I wish I felt like writing. I am not really in the mood, but I am going to write anyway. I still have so many stories from when I was “manic” or in mental crisis. I really don’t like using the work manic and I really don’t like the diagnosis bi-polar. I used to not know what the heck bi-polar meant, I then for a period of time embraced my diagnosis. When I was dating I was always so scared to tell a guy I was bi-polar as it is so stigmatized and I didn’t want to get rejected

So I was trying not to say names of medications, because I don’t want people to stop taking their medications or to be concerned, but I am so frustrated. My hair is falling out so much! The doctor in the hospital the last time I went increased my depakote from 500mg to 1250mg. Hair loss is a side effect. It can also cause weight gain and increased appetite. There are more side effects. I brought myself into the hospital, because I knew I was going hypomanic and I was terrifie

I want to write a quick blog so Jail Time gets off the top 3 on my home page. It’s a must read, but I am trying to be more positive. I will write more later on this blog. I need to rest. Went to a women’s AA meeting and before that met up with my Aunt. We talked about how I tried to take my own life and she said how hard it was for her and everyone. I am thinking about it again now and just need to rest and listen to music. Be back soon! Okay sorry about that. I have a hard t

It is 1:10am Thursday morning 2/26/26. I had a busy day yesterday. I started my day with swimming laps, then came home and showered and made eggs over medium with wheat toast and guacamole salsa. I then got ready to go to an ultrasound appointment for my uterus. I had to have a full bladder which is weird. I haven’t had my period for 9 months and I recently figured out it is probably because of the antipsychotic Invega injection I have taken since last April. Heck, I am okay

I went to 2 AA meetings yesterday, the 630am and the 530pm. Today and tomorrow I am going to try to go to meetings with more women so I can try to find a sponsor. I will take my time with that though. There is also a women’s meeting on Saturday my Aunt told me about. I will talk to women and get their numbers and see how they respond and interact. But yesterday I liked the daily reflection: I try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great

So I wasn’t planning on writing about my jail time at all, because I am embarrassed about a lot of it. But the World needs to know how people with mental illness are treated in jails. I am sure it is even worse in prison. I am only giving my personal experience in a unit that was specifically for women with mental illness. Let me start with why I was arrested. Well I was arrested once before because my ex brother in law had a restartining order against me and that was just a

I don’t think I have written about this yet. I was 26 years old. My Aunt Kiki had just died and I had just gotten plastic surgery after losing 119 pounds in a year after having gastric bypass surgery. I loved my Aunt Kiki so much. I did not see hew much since she was living in Colorado (not sure how long before she died). It was very unexpectedly. She was clean and sober. I probably should not go into the details of what happened. But I was so so sad to lose her. And it was s

Today is Sunday and I started my day with church at 10am. I decided to go back to Calvery. I’ve been going to Pantano Christian and have liked the pastor, but I think he is in a way too laid back if that makes sense. I used to really like Robert at Calvery and decided to go back today and I am glad I did. It was a really good service named What it really means to walk with Jesus or something like that. Two nice ladies sat next to me and introduced themselves to me. I saw anot

I have been feeling very self conscious lately about my looks. I feel like I am ugly when I look in the mirror or take selfies. I used to think I was beautiful when I was thinner and had longer hair. I recently cut my hair to my shoulders and it was a fun change, but I miss my long hair. Lately my hair has been falling out and I am freaking out. I figured it was just stress, but one of the doctors at the hospital told me that my mood stabilizer can cause hair loss! Great! Tha

Now that I have had my meds adjusted in the hospital, I am just a little bit nervous about being on a higher dose of my mood stabilizer. It needs to be at a therapeutic level though, but last October when I tried to take my own life I was on the higher dose of mood stabilizer. I was just out of the hospital for being severely manic. I was not on an anti depressant too though, so I am hoping this time is different because I am also taking an anti depressant. I am just feeling